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God-awful Asstastic Crappy Game of the Happy New Year!
January 2nd 2004, 21:04 CET by Chunkstyle

While discussing the games we love is fun, sometimes ranting against the shit foisted on us is more fun.  So, what was the shittiest game you played this year?

Did you blow up your own party in KOTOR?  Finally get to play Shadowbane, only to discover it's Shadowbane?  Actually try Star Wars Galaxies?  Or perhaps buy some shovelware, thinking "How bad could it possibly be," only to discover the dark truth.  Let's hear which so-called game most wasted your time and/or money this year.  Swearing and overly descriptive metaphors are encouraged.
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Home » Topic: God-awful Asstastic Crappy Game of the Happy New Year!

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#1 by Jibble
2004-01-02 21:07:42
Firstsies!

I look like cable TV!
#2 by "asscheese"
2004-01-02 21:08:06
Thinking...
#3 by Jibble
2004-01-02 21:09:01
Shittiest game I played this year was Wakeboarding Unleashed featuring Shaun Murray.  I never knew an "extreme" sport could be so fucking boring.  Played it for work, hated it with a fiery passion.

I look like cable TV!
#4 by chris
2004-01-02 21:13:43
cwb@shaithis.com http://www.cerebraldebris.com
I have not played any bad games this year. I just didn't like most of the games I played.

-chris
#5 by Ashiran
2004-01-02 21:22:24
Biosfear. Followed closely by Blade and Sword.

I tolerate everything except intolerance.
#6 by Chunkstyle
2004-01-02 21:28:17
Blade & Sword was very bad, but Terminator 3: War of the Machines was much, much worse.

I put the lime in the coconut, I drank it all up.
#7 by zimbardo_ugly
2004-01-02 21:28:49
zimbardo_ugly@hotmail.com
The problem with naming truly horrible games is people tend not to even try those. But here are the ten which struck me as god-awful and/or most disappointing. Deus Ex: Invisible War was really, truly disappointing. The story is too fast in pace and watered down, the graphics are so meh, the levels too cramped, the A.I. horrible and most of the fights are even less enjoyable than they were in the first part (which was a brilliant game, but not known for the combat model). Legacy of Kain: Defiance, has one of the worst camera systems ever. Pax Romana is just horrible all around, with bugs literally tying the code together. I also hated The Great Escape for being so stupid and badly designed, Red Faction 2 for setting new standards in being fucked up in every way. I also had the lack of pleasure and common sense to try Mistmare for half an hour and it's a Lithtech-powered bug infestation pretending to be an RPG.

But the worst game this year? I can't think of none which irritated, enraged or saddened me more than Enter the Matrix. That game is the reason God invented warezing.

"Warez non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem"
#8 by zimbardo_ugly
2004-01-02 21:29:29
zimbardo_ugly@hotmail.com
10=7, it seems.

"Warez non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem"
#9 by Greg
2004-01-02 21:31:04
Needs more bile.

HEEEEEYYYY YOOOUUUU GUUUUUUYYYSSSSSS!
#10 by Jibble
2004-01-02 21:31:08
Glitter Princesses don't need to know math.

I look like cable TV!
#11 by Ashiran
2004-01-02 21:33:43
Legacy of Kain: Defiance, has one of the worst camera systems ever.

It's not a good camera system I agree, but calling it one of the worst camera systems ever goes way too far. If that was actually true nobody would be able to finish it, and I finished it twice.

I tolerate everything except intolerance.
#12 by Jibble
2004-01-02 21:36:12
If you're going to be giving out a "Worst Camera of the Year" award, at least make Dino Crisis 3 your choice.

I look like cable TV!
#13 by Warren Marshall
2004-01-02 21:56:56
http://www.wantonhubris.com/
Bubble Bomb

"Cheap Garbage Disposal Canít Handle Femur"
#14 by PrfBrain
2004-01-02 22:03:19
brain@arn.net
Bubble Bomb has a camera system? Wow, this I gotta see. Are there witty sayings on the back of the bubble's that we've all been missing. That's the definition of a good easter egg. Anywho, I don't recall playing any absolutely horrid games this year as I have a tendancy not to play a game at all until I've read a review or 3.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
#15 by Warren Marshall
2004-01-02 22:04:26
http://www.wantonhubris.com/
Read.  Understand.  Post.

"Cheap Garbage Disposal Canít Handle Femur"
#16 by PrfBrain
2004-01-02 22:06:48
brain@arn.net
I understand quite well, but I didn't include any emoticons so my bad attempt at being funny has failed. I apologize profusely.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
#17 by Hugin
2004-01-02 22:08:50
lmccain@nber.org
I tend to forget bad games.  I guess the gaming experience that annoyed me the most last year was the Silent Storm demo, for missing the fun gameplay forest for the "realism" trees.
#18 by Duality
2004-01-02 22:13:37
Dualipuff@yahoo.com http://stratoscape.ath.cx/
Invisible War: A would-be Deus Ex game.

Fuck Warren (Spector)'s mother!
#19 by nothing
2004-01-02 22:17:53
I bought the newest F-Zero game for the Gamecube based on how much I liked the SNES and N64 games.  I played it for about 3 hours and got incredibly frustrated by how much fun I wasn't having.  The game hasn't left my shelf since.
#20 by Gunp01nt
2004-01-02 22:18:33
supersimon33@hotmail.com
You know, since I saw this topic in the bin I've been thinking what the worst game I played this year was, and frankly I haven't really played any excruciatingly bad games as far as I can remember.

Project IGI 2 was pretty much a disappointment to me, but not really ass-tastic.

Also disappointing was Unreal 2, which had a few extremely boring maps in the middle, where every remote possibility of some fast shooting action was stomped into the ground by the fact that the protagonist's suit was apparently so heavy that he had to move around in a fucking wheelchair. With a 2mph speed limit. But I'd say the ending sorta made up for that and levels the game at averagely nice.

Jedi Academy was even more disappointing than the aforementioned games, but again far from a seed-spickled pile of crap.

Then again, I fortunately missed out on games like Chaser, Devastation, etc.

"We need to eliminate redundant trolls and consolidate our trolling interests into one streamlined mega-troll."
-Bailey
#21 by crash
2004-01-02 22:19:48
Didn't play a game this year I couldn't uninstall fast enough. Didn't play a lot of games, though. Relatively speaking.

By this time tomorrow we can be doing BODY SHOTS off HOOKERS in some MEXICAN HELLHOLE
#22 by Duality
2004-01-02 22:23:31
Dualipuff@yahoo.com http://stratoscape.ath.cx/
I'd also like to express a little bit of disappointment in Simpsons: Hit & Run.  It had some missions which could have been fun if the AI drivers weren't nearly perfect when trying to escape you and going had more of a sandbox feel that Grand Theft Auto games have had.

And a lot of the comments came straight from Simpsons Road Rage.
#23 by Duality
2004-01-02 22:24:27
Dualipuff@yahoo.com http://stratoscape.ath.cx/
Someone hacked my message and added an errant "going" in there for some reason.  Bastard.
#24 by PrfBrain
2004-01-02 22:27:57
brain@arn.net
I do remember one somewhat assy game that I played. Chrome by Gathering. Has some nice graphics, storyline is kind of a rehash of Unreal II. Nothing special but what made it horrible was a level that they just had to make a stealthy one. You're not supposed to be seen lest the main base know you are around and you need to infiltrate 3 sam sites in order to do something or other. Enter the first site, and everything is going swimmingly. I kill the two guys in the room and blow up that site's control computer. Next thing I know I get a radio call from the bitch in space who's still on my ship telling me the main base knows I'm there and it's game over. Fucking lovely.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
#25 by Jibble
2004-01-02 22:29:30
I love stealth missions in which you can't kill anyone or do anything besides sneaking around without being detected.

I look like cable TV!
#26 by PrfBrain
2004-01-02 22:31:25
brain@arn.net
The sad thing is there's no way to get in the room without alerting the two asshats in there. They're standing in front of the door and the "cloaking" device you use doesn't seem to do much of anything unless you're 20 ft away from them. Even gamefaqs says you have to kill the assclowns.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
#27 by Warren Marshall
2004-01-02 22:32:29
http://www.wantonhubris.com/
XIII had a few of those.  In one, the FBI flooded the building to "help" me.  I then opened a door, saw a guy standing there and instinctively put a bullet in his head.  This turned out to be an FBI agent and then my game was over.  Nice.

"Cheap Garbage Disposal Canít Handle Femur"
#28 by Jafd
2004-01-02 22:33:00
test?
#29 by Jafd
2004-01-02 22:33:18
no, test?
#30 by Jafd
2004-01-02 22:33:56
fucking hell! why do my posts come up as jafd in opencrap?
#31 by jafd
2004-01-02 22:35:35
Because you are stupid.

Ask me about your mother.
#32 by Ashiran
2004-01-02 22:35:49
God hates you?

I tolerate everything except intolerance.
#33 by PrfBrain
2004-01-02 22:36:27
brain@arn.net
Ahhh XIII, that's another one I expected to like more. I liked the graphics, the gameplay was decent at start but got a bit boring towards the end and I lost all interest in the story. Just loved that ending too. Le sigh.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
#34 by Warren Marshall
2004-01-02 22:39:16
http://www.wantonhubris.com/
The story IS ridiculously complicated.  Too many names and jumps around too much in an attempt to be the ulimate conspiracy story.

I like the game though ... haven't finished though.

"Cheap Garbage Disposal Canít Handle Femur"
#35 by Warren Marshall
2004-01-02 22:39:23
http://www.wantonhubris.com/
though

"Cheap Garbage Disposal Canít Handle Femur"
#36 by PrfBrain
2004-01-02 22:40:27
brain@arn.net
The ending is very comic bookie as it should be being based on a comic, but not necessarily good for a game.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
#37 by BobJustBob
2004-01-02 22:50:04
Wind Waker.

Dood.
#38 by jjohnsen
2004-01-02 22:52:03
http://www.johnsenclan.com
I made it close to the end if XIII (if I'm following the story) and ran into some damn hallway with a camera that caught me every single time for two hours straight.  Uninstalled, told everyone I could think of to avoid buying it.  Screw you XIII


Unreal 2 and Jedi Academy weren't the crappiest games I played this year, but they did disappoint me the most.
#39 by jjohnsen
2004-01-02 22:54:07
http://www.johnsenclan.com
Oh and no skip-level or invisible cheat codes for a PC game like XIII?  Unforgivable you asshole loser developers.
#40 by yotsuya
2004-01-02 22:56:12
jeremy-

Tell us how you really feel.

That's a beautiful way to go. Shot by Yot. In more ways than one. -mgns
#41 by CheesyPoof
2004-01-02 22:56:29
I try not to play asstastic games.  I don't play a super amount of games so when I do get one it is usually a while after release when word of mouth has spread that a game is good or not.  DX is my most favorite of games ever, but I haven't picked up DX2 yet.  That has to say something, right?
#42 by jafd
2004-01-02 22:56:55
I guess I'm out of touch. What was wrong with Jedi Academy? It seemed fine to me.

Ask me about your mother.
#43 by CheesyPoof
2004-01-02 23:00:05
I don't think there was anything terribly wrong with Jedi Academy, it's just that it was so bland.
#44 by Chunkstyle
2004-01-02 23:04:17
It was more Jedi Knight II.  That's ok with me.

I put the lime in the coconut, I drank it all up.
#45 by Jafd
2004-01-02 23:04:38
testing?
#46 by deadlock
2004-01-02 23:05:22
http://www.deadlocked.org/
fucking bastard piece of shite

ridicule is nothing to be scared of
#47 by deadlock
2004-01-02 23:05:59
http://www.deadlocked.org/
whose mickey do i have to fellate to get my email address changed to a more recent one?

oh yeah, OpenCrap goodness abounds (now)

ridicule is nothing to be scared of
#48 by Duality
2004-01-02 23:06:19
Dualipuff@yahoo.com http://stratoscape.ath.cx/
Jedi Academy should have been sold as an expansion pack.

At the very least, make it so the models didn't have such bulbous heads.
#49 by jafd
2004-01-02 23:06:58
What the hell? I thought we were friends!

Ask me about your mother.
#50 by Terata
2004-01-02 23:12:09
Maybe I'm biased, but Star Wars Galaxies drove me off after only a couple hours.  Endless bland empty terrain and a baffling interface.  Nice character models though.

Other than that, I picked up a game called Dragon Rage for the PS2, mostly just to see how they handled the flight controls and combat and stuff.  Ick, bad.  Its defining moment was when the badly acted fairy voice told me how cows contained magic energy, so I needed to kill those to cast spells.
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