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T O P I C
First Annual PlanetCrap Troll Of The Year Awards
December 18th 2003, 05:36 CET by m0nty

You are all asked to nominate and/or declare a winner in any of the following categories. Several categories have some obvious nominations, which are duly listed. Those categories in the PlanetCrap Division must have happened on planetcrap.com, but others may have occured outside the site. Nominations may be made for specific instances, or for individuals or groups for a sustained effort over 2003. Submissions shall also be accepted for a name for the awards - in lieu of a better one, they shall be known as the Crappies.

FOREIGN DIVISION
Most Effective Vapourware Announcement
Most Infuriating Forum Post By A Developer
Best Troll By A Publisher Executive
Best Troll In A Blog
Best Troll In An Op-Ed Piece
Best Troll At A MMOG Rant Site
Best Troll At A Webcomic Site
Best Cross-Forum Troll

PLANETCRAP DIVISION
PlanetCrap's Worst Attempt At A Troll
PlanetCrap's Least Comprehensible Troll
PlanetCrap's Most Literate Troll
PlanetCrap's Best Multiclass Troll (e.g. Dev/Troll, Journo/Troll)
PlanetCrap's Most Rabid Fanboi
PlanetCrap's Best User of Cliches To Deflect Trolls
PlanetCrap's Best Cliche-spawning Troll
PlanetCrap's Most Predictable Troll
PlanetCrap's Most Imaginative Troll
PlanetCrap's Best Use Of Technical Jargon In A Troll
PlanetCrap's Best Political Correctness Troll
PlanetCrap's Best Spellnazi
Best Troll In A PlanetCrap Topic
PlanetCrap's Most Witty Troll
PlanetCrap's Most Convincing Conversion From Troll To Human
PlanetCrap's Best New Troll
PlanetCrap's Trolling Lifetime Achievement Award
PlanetCrap's Best Single Troll Post
PlanetCrap's Best Troll
C O M M E N T S
Home » Topic: First Annual PlanetCrap Troll Of The Year Awards

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#1 by BabiG
2003-12-18 05:40:44
Either this got pushed through, or my No vote put it over the top.

"Ja! Mein Leapen!"
#2 by Gabe
2003-12-18 05:41:54
http://www.dartpublishing.com
BabiG, I'm thinking the latter.
#3 by G-Man
2003-12-18 05:42:38
Joker and DKI are really pulling out all the stops to win this one.
#4 by jafd
2003-12-18 05:44:08
And, the hits just keep on coming.

"It was fucking RPGotY, fucker!"
#5 by Squeaky
2003-12-18 05:45:20
Best Troll In An Op-Ed Piece*

#6 by Summer Sausage
2003-12-18 06:58:10
Hello gentlemen.  My name is Summer Sausage and I am here at the bequest of the Internal Meat Crimes Unit.  We are currently seeking an individual by the name of DEATH KILLER INTERNATIONAL.  If you have seen him, please contact me immediately.

Warmest Regards,

Summer Sausage
#7 by Greg
2003-12-18 07:01:11
DKI wins the best "I'm leaving and never posting again, but then I post again" award for the week of December 15th.

We are OK in a misguided, sadist way.
We are OK in a disabled veteran's way.
We are OK.
#8 by Winter Meatloaf
2003-12-18 07:01:14
Hello Summer Sausage, this is Winter Meatloaf.  You may recall we met at the 4th Annual Meat Convention three years ago.  I hope you are well.

I am also in search of DEATH KILLER INTERNATIONAL.  He has been known to go by the aliases DKI and DKI(ID.  He is wanted world-wide for crimes against meat.  If you have seen him, please do not hesitate to contact either myself or Summer Sausage.

I hope you don't mind, but we will be peeking around for a bit trying to gather evidence that will (hopefully) lead us to his current location.

Coldest Regards,

Winter Meatloaf
#9 by Spring Turnip Festival
2003-12-18 07:08:08
hello gentlemen how are you

i am spring turnip festival and i would like to offer my organization's assistance in the capture of this fellow.. we will not tolerate his disruptive behavior at our turnip festival any longer!
#10 by jafd
2003-12-18 07:09:54
Dear various foodstuffs;

I think you can find DKI at irc.mandog.com #mandog. If not, I'm sure someone there can help you. Good luck.

"It was fucking RPGotY, fucker!"
#11 by Greg
2003-12-18 07:13:02
Aw, where's the Autumn Splinter Cell DVD Case post?

We are OK in a misguided, sadist way.
We are OK in a disabled veteran's way.
We are OK.
#12 by Gabe
2003-12-18 07:16:35
http://www.dartpublishing.com
And jafd says he never lies. :)
#13 by Duality
2003-12-18 07:17:33
Dualipuff@yahoo.com http://stratoscape.ath.cx/
So boring ...

It looks like Christmas came two weeks early for the trolls.  Now let them choke on coal.

Duality [bunge shot bonus] +10G
#14 by Duality
2003-12-18 07:18:52
Dualipuff@yahoo.com http://stratoscape.ath.cx/
Hi.  I follow my own fucking calendar!

Duality [bunge shot bonus] +10G
#15 by Sgt Hulka
2003-12-18 07:23:37
Hrm.. I wonder if this thread will get trolled?

Freaking Canadians!


A Canadian who screamed obscenities, punched a flight attendant in the stomach and urinated in the aisle after he was refused alcohol during a flight was jailed for three months Thursday.

Elguiz Santana Canales Villatoro, 39, from Canada,

Elguiz Santana Canales Villatoro eh? Yeah.. That sounds uh. . . uh Canadian! Yeah right!  Most likely southern Canada.


He then punched a flight attendant in the stomach, threw his shirt at a flight attendant's face and urinated in the aisle and against the toilet door"


ah.. now it makes sense! Now that's Canadian! He probably thought he was at a hockey game.

#16 by Autumn Splinter Cell DVD Case
2003-12-18 07:24:29
Aw, where's the Autumn Splinter Cell DVD Case post?


Hello Greg, how are you today sir?  You must be spying on me in your IRC channel!   I would just like to point out, before anyone asks me for autographs, that I am NOT SAM FISHER the person, nor am I Splinter Cell the game.  I am merely the DVD case that the game is shipped in.
#17 by jafd
2003-12-18 07:26:49
If he went there, he'd find him there, and I know that one of you spastic fuckknockers can help him. Since you're obviously taken up troll farming as a sidelight.

Fuck you. (not a response)

"It was fucking RPGotY, fucker!"
#18 by Autumn Splinter Cell DVD Case
2003-12-18 07:28:33
Why are you always so bitter jafd?  Did you not get loved as a child?
#19 by Sgt Hulka
2003-12-18 07:31:16
I got loved a child.  A lot.  I'll never forget that dog.

#20 by Greg
2003-12-18 07:31:31
Autumn Splinter Cell DVD Case:

Are you the case for the Xbox version or the PC version? Because unfortunately in the US, the PC version probably didn't come in a DVD case. Hopefully we'll see more of your friends in the future.

We are OK in a misguided, sadist way.
We are OK in a disabled veteran's way.
We are OK.
#21 by Gabe
2003-12-18 07:33:53
http://www.dartpublishing.com
Still lying.
#22 by Autumn Splinter Cell DVD Case
2003-12-18 07:38:06
I got loved a child.  A lot.  I'll never forget that dog.


Hello Hulka.  You are a friendly man, always appearing to be in high spirits.  I think, if you ever get the chance, you should spend some quality time with jafd.  He is bitter, cold, angry and jealous at the world.  Needless to say, Hulka, this is not the way for one to live a healthy life!!  Your positive influence might rub off on him and we could all be better off.

Just something to consider, Hulka.  You take care sir.

Are you the case for the Xbox version or the PC version? Because unfortunately in the US, the PC version probably didn't come in a DVD case. Hopefully we'll see more of your friends in the future.


Hello Greg.  Thank you for asking.  As a matter of fact, I am the PS/2 version of Splinter Cell.  I auditioned for Xbox but I was turned down.  They said I did not have the experience to represent their (at the time) exclusive title.

Between the time Splinter Cell XBOX and Splinter Cell PS/2 were released, I worked as a DVD case for the Fast and the Furious at blockbuster.  This was just enough experience to get me the coveted position of DVD case for Splinter Cell on PS/2.

You must start at the bottom and work your way up!

P.S. I share your desire for PC games to be in DVD cases in North America.   Let us keep our fingers crossed.
#23 by jafd
2003-12-18 07:49:28
still not a response

"It was fucking RPGotY, fucker!"
#24 by Caryn
2003-12-18 08:03:28
carynlaw@pacbell.net http://www.hellchick.net
What the hell is that, jafd? What is this "I'm ignoring you" fetish you have? People don't care enough that you're ignoring them or not responding to them -- even know by deliberately stating this you're actually responding to them and/or not ignoring them at all -- so you have to make sure that they know it? It's quite possibly the most narcissistic and idiotic thing I've ever seen on the net coming from someone who is purportedly an adult.

"I'll sell you the idea for $50,000 and you can go from game developer zero to game developer hero." - Leslie
#25 by jjz
2003-12-18 08:03:55
Did someone say something?
#26 by jafd
2003-12-18 08:17:05
#24 Caryn
It's quite possibly the most narcissistic and idiotic thing I've ever seen on the net coming from someone who is purportedly an adult.
And that's easily the most exaggerated claim I've heard all year.

What is this "I'm ignoring you" fetish you have?
It's not ignoring. It's condemnation. And it's irrelevant to me if the subject of my condemnation is unaffected by it. In fact, if it were possible for them to be affected, they likely wouldn't have been condemned in the first place.

You're right, of course; there's much more mature, creative, and fascinating ways that I could express my disapproval for people, in addtion to simply staying silent in the first place. What would be the point? Condemnation and disapproval on the internet is a waste of time in the first place. And as for simply stewing in silence while gangs of reprobates prance willy-nilly across the digital landscape, spraying virtual urine as they go... well, I suppose that works for some folks, but I do not choose for it to work for me.

The truth of the matter is that, on occaision, a bare few people will contact me privately, and ask me seriously, why have I condemned so-and-so? It is at those times that I spend the energy and time that I have previously saved by simply saying, "fuck your mother," and truly attempt to communicate the grievances that I have with other people. Thankfully, such occasions are few and far between.

Frankly, I don't see why my behavior is such an issue. You could just ignore me. Just open up your CONFIG.SYS file in opencrap.bat, and starting at line 23, edit in the lines...

"It was fucking RPGotY, fucker!"
#27 by Wudi
2003-12-18 08:18:56
Where is the

Planetcrap Division
I can say Swimming Suit Bottoms are the same as Panties (and even tho that statement is idiotic). I get away with it because I am a Gaming Grrrrlll.

Zep--

I want to be a part of the club! Accept me!

Bubble Blast Installer!
#28 by Caryn
2003-12-18 08:22:10
carynlaw@pacbell.net http://www.hellchick.net
I don't buy it, jafd. I don't think what I said is an exaggeration. I think you have an incessant need for attention and can't stand the thought that someone hasn't noticed your condemnation or ignoring or whatever you want to call it.

You said I can ignore you...I don't care enough to do so. What I find interesting is that you cannot follow your own advice.

"I'll sell you the idea for $50,000 and you can go from game developer zero to game developer hero." - Leslie
#29 by BabiG
2003-12-18 08:24:27
Saving the Internet, one attention grabbing post at a time.

"Ja! Mein Leapen!"
#30 by jafd
2003-12-18 08:28:59
I don't care if you pay attention to me or not. In fact, I would prefer that people paid far less attention to me than they apparently do. I find it amazing that anyone disbelieves me on that point.

I do follow my own advice. Constantly. (Interestingly, I'm actually using that word correctly.) I'm not certain why you find it interesting that I'm not following your advice, which is apparently to follow the parts of my advice that you choose to perceive.

Tell you what, let's have a little thought experiment. If I have an incessant need for attention, what would happen if everyone stopped paying attention to me? I look forward to hearing your theory.

"It was fucking RPGotY, fucker!"
#31 by Gabe
2003-12-18 08:46:45
http://www.dartpublishing.com
Does it really take that many words to say you don't care?
#32 by Duality
2003-12-18 09:01:49
Dualipuff@yahoo.com http://stratoscape.ath.cx/
My sources tell me DKI(ID was asking about save anywhere.  He had a large ugly tattoo and was driving a motorcycle.

The word is out: you're getting too close, gumshoe ...

Duality [bunge shot bonus] +10G
#33 by jafd
2003-12-18 09:03:31
#31 Gabe
Does it really take that many words to say you don't care?
I have respect for Caryn. She asks a question, I'm going to give her an answer.

Compare and contrast that to my answer to your question, which is mostly: fuck your mother.

"It was fucking RPGotY, fucker!"
#34 by deadlock
2003-12-18 10:17:35
http://www.deadlocked.org/
I'm sorry to say, but I don't think any troll has ever made me laugh as whoever the fuck is behind that Autumn Splinter Cell DVD case/Meat crimes thing. Hilarious.

"You know you are doing art when everyone has an opinion of what you're doing." - Lexx, creator of the supremely stupid Doom for Columbine mod.
#35 by Squeaky
2003-12-18 10:21:25
#34 deadlock
I'm sorry to say, but I don't think any troll has ever made me laugh as whoever the fuck is behind that Autumn Splinter Cell DVD case/Meat crimes thing. Hilarious.

whoever is behind DKI(ID is the same as these new guys. Unlike Joker, he couldn't even be bothered to post from a different IP.

#36 by deadlock
2003-12-18 10:29:59
http://www.deadlocked.org/
Oh I know it's the same guy, for some reason that's one of the reasons I find it funny. I mean, Joker put far more effort into his extra persona, which was actually more worrying than anything else. Especially given that he was arguing with himself about things etc. Frightening. Whoever's behind DKI(ID is just acting the maggot, which I can appreciate cos everyone does from time to time.

"You know you are doing art when everyone has an opinion of what you're doing." - Lexx, creator of the supremely stupid Doom for Columbine mod.
#37 by jafd
2003-12-18 10:37:05
They should be killed as well.

"It was fucking RPGotY, fucker!"
#38 by The_Joker
2003-12-18 10:44:28
http://www.jackinworld.com
The person behind meat industries is also talking to himself actually.


It was never important to me to really use an IP registered in another country because quite frankly I didn't care THAT much if people would find out I was Baldy. It was more exciting to try my best to not make them think Baldy = Joker by just being very different with Baldy and by using other methods. And since it worked 1,5 year, and if Gunp01nt didn't say anything, probably a lot longer, I consider it an accomplishment.

Joker, Ph.D. Procedural Assholian Behaviour, Pedophilosopher
- All your ass are belong to my wang Jafd. Prepare to are penetration.
"I fart in THX." - Sgt_Hulka

PENETRATOR: Rise of the Wang Cuming "When it's done".
#39 by G-Man
2003-12-18 11:05:17
But how can we be sure that you are the real Joker, i.e. that the sad details of your life are the truth and not another lie?

OMG LOL!@ The Internet is scary! Did you see Swimfan?
#40 by Jens Christensen
2003-12-18 11:06:12
thug666@e-mail.dk
#38, that's pretty sad

That's a big trunk. It fits a tuba, a suitcase, a dead dog, and a garment bag almost perfectly.
#41 by Duality
2003-12-18 11:27:44
Dualipuff@yahoo.com http://stratoscape.ath.cx/
Just remember that you are all that is wrong with the Internet.

Duality [bunge shot bonus] +10G
#42 by deadlock
2003-12-18 12:09:26
http://www.deadlocked.org/
Joker:

Yeah, Autumn whatsit 'argues' with himself, but you got into a fucking deep political debate with your alter ego!

"You know you are doing art when everyone has an opinion of what you're doing." - Lexx, creator of the supremely stupid Doom for Columbine mod.
#43 by m0nty
2003-12-18 13:28:10
http://tinfinger.blogspot.com
People people, this thread is not to the place to attempt to sway the Academy's voting intentions by putting in one last impassioned performance in your pet category. I know we haven't got a PC version of Variety magazine  where you can take out double page ads to stake your claims in front of the judging panel, but have some decorum, please.

Here are some of my nominations, in no particular order:

FOREIGN DIVISION
Most Effective Vapourware Announcement
- Doom for Columbine 3 just beating out DNF, followed by the Phantom console, HL2 and Nebula
Best Troll In A Blog
- that DNF one by Scott the other day, plus Greg Costikyan for his entire output
Best Troll In An Op-Ed Piece
- Jessica Mulligan is my favourite here.
Best Troll At A MMOG Rant Site
- This category would have been hotly contested in years gone by, but I haven't heard of much lately.

PLANETCRAP DIVISION
PlanetCrap's Worst Attempt At A Troll
- Goddamn, take your pick. Sister Love was the one I thought was the weakest.
PlanetCrap's Least Comprehensible Troll
- Ryslin made late claims on this one.
PlanetCrap's Most Literate Troll
- jafd, followed by G-Man, with honourable mentions to yotsuya and Hugin.
PlanetCrap's Best Multiclass Troll (e.g. Dev/Troll, Journo/Troll)
- Warren Marshall is the even-money bet.
PlanetCrap's Most Rabid Fanboi
- Charles beats CultureShock hands down, while Uncle Jeet runs a close third and BobJustBob's Morrowind fixation is worthy.
PlanetCrap's Best User of Cliches To Deflect Trolls
- Too many to choose from here.
PlanetCrap's Best Cliche-spawning Troll
- Bailey, unquestionably.
PlanetCrap's Most Predictable Troll
- The_Joker.
PlanetCrap's Most Imaginative Troll
- Bailey, again.
PlanetCrap's Best Use Of Technical Jargon In A Troll
- G-Man, or maybe Darkseid-D. Ashiran talking about AI rates a mention.
PlanetCrap's Best Political Correctness Troll
- Caryn stamped herself as the leader in this category early in the year with the Postal 2 topic, and was constantly supported by Hugin.
Best Troll In A PlanetCrap Topic
- I humbly submit my good self, for the studied devotion I bring to my craft.
PlanetCrap's Most Witty Troll
- Bailey wins again!
PlanetCrap's Most Convincing Conversion From Troll To Human
- Your Friend took an early lead in this category, with a paltry effort by Trolly McTroll and a late charge by Joker not making up enough ground.
PlanetCrap's Best New Troll
- Is Jibble new? If so, then Jibble. If not, then lexx.
PlanetCrap's Trolling Lifetime Achievement Award
- Scott Miller would be a good choice here, although I would argue for a posthumous presentation to Chella Kline.
PlanetCrap's Best Single Troll Post
- My vote goes to #50 in the Doom 3 for Columbine thread, where lexx justifies banning trolls from his site on the grounds of netiquette.
PlanetCrap's Best Troll
- Personally, I think jafd deserves it for dedication to the cause of annoying other people continuously and gratuitously. This aim is evident in everything he does. He would be a worthy inaugural champion.
#44 by Marsh Davies
2003-12-18 13:39:06
www.verbalchilli.com
Blah blah.

PlanetCrap's Best Troll
Joint honours to m0nty and Gabe for their combined efforts on these last two topics.

#45 by Marsh Davies
2003-12-18 13:42:17
www.verbalchilli.com
Additionally, jafd's first paragraph in #30 works particularly well if read in HAL's voice:

I don't care if you pay attention to me or not. In fact, I would prefer that people paid far less attention to me than they apparently do. I find it amazing that anyone disbelieves me on that point.


#46 by Ashiran
2003-12-18 13:43:17
Your definition of troll is wider then urmom.

I tolerate everything except intolerance.
#47 by Ashiran
2003-12-18 13:43:49
Damn you Marshgas.

I tolerate everything except intolerance.
#48 by Marsh Davies
2003-12-18 13:48:25
www.verbalchilli.com
Hah! Faced!

#49 by mgns
2003-12-18 14:42:09
Troll is the same as poster now?

I mean, when did Yot ever troll? Bailey? Ds? Caryn?!

He leans on the hood telling racing stories, the kids call him Jimmy The Saint.
#50 by deadlock
2003-12-18 14:49:31
http://www.deadlocked.org/
I have a sneaking suspicion that this is a clandestine attempt by m0nty to grab the troll of the year crown.

"You know you are doing art when everyone has an opinion of what you're doing." - Lexx, creator of the supremely stupid Doom for Columbine mod.
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