PlanetCrap 6.0!
Front Page (ATOM) • Submission Bin (2) • ArchivesUsersLoginCreate Account
You are currently not logged in.
T O P I C
Potter DIY
January 23rd 2003, 19:48 CET by Morn

Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses. "It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please sit down. I am going to tell you everything."

I think having to wait until June really sucks, so everybody please use the above quote and continue the story in whatever way you see fit. Anything goes.
C O M M E N T S
Home » Topic: Potter DIY

|«« - Previous Page - Next Page - »»|
#1 by Charles
2003-01-23 19:49:04
www.bluh.org
You mean there are books?

"People who give John Edwards money are stupid, and you're stupid for defending them, stupid."  -- Your Friend
#2 by JMCDaveL
2003-01-23 19:49:36
Boy oh boy boy on boy

--jmc
ICQ-121684 AIM-jmcdavel U=FAG0T
Trendy Trendy DVDs!
#3 by Ashiran
2003-01-23 19:49:38
How bored can one be?

#4 by Charles
2003-01-23 19:51:21
www.bluh.org
Can you download the books on line for FREE?

"People who give John Edwards money are stupid, and you're stupid for defending them, stupid."  -- Your Friend
#5 by Your Friend
2003-01-23 19:51:28
Isn't Dumbledore dead?

That's what they said on CNN.

Yup, he's dead.

Nothing to see here.

2000/XP is better than Win9x in every way.
#6 by Gunp01nt
2003-01-23 19:53:08
supersimon33@hotmail.com
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses. "It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please sit down. I am going to tell you everything."


I'm sorry, but the only way I can see this going is that Dumbledore declares his love to Harry, and then they engage in man-to-child sexual interaction.

"Since most elephants don't comply with the AGP 2.0 specification, we recommend that God does a product recall on all elephants"
#7 by Gunp01nt
2003-01-23 19:54:40
supersimon33@hotmail.com
and um, I'm so not going to write about that.

"Since most elephants don't comply with the AGP 2.0 specification, we recommend that God does a product recall on all elephants"
#8 by Caryn
2003-01-23 19:54:56
carynlaw@pacbell.net http://www.hellchick.net
This will be great fun.

Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses. "It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please sit down. I am going to tell you everything."


Harry waited and watched as the old man shifted in his chair. "Harry," he said, "I'm your father."

Harry blinked. "Are you sure?" He said.

"Well, of course I'm sure," Dumbledore said. Harry's expression didn't change. "What, you don't think I could have...you know...with your mum?" Silence. "Look, you little vole, just because I'm an old man doesn't mean I can't get it on, you know!"

(okay, that wasn't very good. But now someone has to continue it from here!)

"I felt that I was inhabiting some kind of interdimensional nexus where the sum total suck from this and all other universes crossed paths." - Terata
#9 by Gunp01nt
2003-01-23 19:56:07
supersimon33@hotmail.com
hmm... more like:

"Harry, you must take this ring to Mordor and destroy it!"

"Since most elephants don't comply with the AGP 2.0 specification, we recommend that God does a product recall on all elephants"
#10 by Caryn
2003-01-23 19:56:20
carynlaw@pacbell.net http://www.hellchick.net
How bored can one be?


You people have no sense of the potential for FUN, I swear it.

I used to run a BBS where we had a continuous story that people would add to as time went along. It was hilarious and a lot of fun. HAVE FUN, DAMN YOU!

"I felt that I was inhabiting some kind of interdimensional nexus where the sum total suck from this and all other universes crossed paths." - Terata
#11 by LPMiller
2003-01-23 19:56:31
lpmiller@gotapex.com http://www.gotapex.com
And Caryn is now in violation of the DMCA!


No, not really.

I believe I can fly......urk.
#12 by Charles
2003-01-23 19:57:39
www.bluh.org
I refuse to have fun under the grounds that it may incriminate me.

"People who give John Edwards money are stupid, and you're stupid for defending them, stupid."  -- Your Friend
#13 by chris
2003-01-23 19:58:25
cwb@shaithis.com http://www.cerebraldebris.com
Having never read a Harry Potter book, nor seen a Harry Potter movie, I feel unqualified to participate.

-chris
#14 by Charles
2003-01-23 19:58:45
www.bluh.org
Don't let that stop you, this is PlanetCrap!

"People who give John Edwards money are stupid, and you're stupid for defending them, stupid."  -- Your Friend
#15 by Gunp01nt
2003-01-23 19:59:04
supersimon33@hotmail.com
AFAIK, chain story writing was first invented on a forum where nobody had anything to talk about, and people were so bored they just decided to write stupid stories.

and that's also the most common use for a chain story.

"Since most elephants don't comply with the AGP 2.0 specification, we recommend that God does a product recall on all elephants"
#16 by Caryn
2003-01-23 19:59:14
carynlaw@pacbell.net http://www.hellchick.net
Wha? Blah??

You don't have to have READ them. Geeez, come ON, chris, you're a WRITER. Just use that thing called an imagination!!

You're all hopeless and I'm going to kill you all.

"I felt that I was inhabiting some kind of interdimensional nexus where the sum total suck from this and all other universes crossed paths." - Terata
#17 by "Longhorn"
2003-01-23 20:00:23
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses. "It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please sit down. I am going to tell you everything."


Harry made a puzzled look with his face, as if he thought he might hear something he really didn't want to hear.  As if Dumbledore were going to admit to being an Everquest player, or worse yet, a UT2K3 player.

Dumbledore reached into his pocket and pulled out a small package and handed it to Harry. "Take this Harry", said Dumbledore.  Harry grabbed the package. "What's this?"  Dumbledore told Harry that it was a magical box containing a red key.  Harry responded, "Not THE red key".

Yes indeed, it was THE red key to open the door at the end of the mysterious hallway.  They could both travel to the teleporter now and get to library.

The library contains many books on marketing by Scott Miller.
#18 by Gunp01nt
2003-01-23 20:01:42
supersimon33@hotmail.com
The library contains many books on marketing by Scott Miller.

not to mention physics!

and a few books by his hand on game making, in the 'fiction' department.

"Since most elephants don't comply with the AGP 2.0 specification, we recommend that God does a product recall on all elephants"
#19 by Charles
2003-01-23 20:04:41
www.bluh.org
On the way, Dumbledore told harry the truth:  Magic comes from little creatures that live inside of us... called midichloreans...

"People who give John Edwards money are stupid, and you're stupid for defending them, stupid."  -- Your Friend
#20 by Ergo
2003-01-23 20:05:38
Miller was a name that was spoken only in whispers, if at all. When used in a marketing cantrip, hideous Crap demons were known to appear, shrieking "IT'S NOT A SCIENCE!"

There are no bigger liars than quacks except for their patients. -Benjamin Franklin

DVDs
#21 by LPMiller
2003-01-23 20:06:13
lpmiller@gotapex.com http://www.gotapex.com
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses. "It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please sit down. I am going to tell you everything."


"First off, " he said, "Why are you wearing glasses? Ok, you're Mr. Big Shot Save the Future Magic Guy. Make a fucking spell already."

Harry's mouth opened in the shock.

"Oh stop it. Second of all, you are a pain in the ass trouble maker, you know that. Telling you not to open the chamber of secrets is like telling water not to be wet. Good gravey, do you not understand the concept of warning signs? I'd smack you myself if it wasn't against the law, you little pissant."

"But that's not why you're here. You sir, are here to fly on the broom and win us some tournys, m'kay? What, you think good grades keep this school funded? Little adventures fighting 3 headed dogs brings in the money, does it? You came here on a scholership, we expect, Mr Potter, for you to win us some games!!"

I believe I can fly......urk.
#22 by Gunp01nt
2003-01-23 20:13:31
supersimon33@hotmail.com
and then they engaged in man-to-child sexual interaction.

"Since most elephants don't comply with the AGP 2.0 specification, we recommend that God does a product recall on all elephants"
#23 by Eric T. Cheng
2003-01-23 20:15:43
erictcheng@hotmail.com
I saw the two movies (but haven't read the books) and I do'nt see what the fascination about the movies/books.

Kilt Wearing Pixel Pushing Monkey Boy
IMDB Entry
DVD Collection
#24 by yotsuya
2003-01-23 20:16:00
Dude, you really want to see that, don't you?

I got your clever covers right here!
/grabs crotch.
#25 by Matthew Gallant
2003-01-23 20:16:52
http://www.truemeaningoflife.com
Dumbledore coughed lightly before continuing. "That's just the good news, I'm afraid. There's something that's been troubling the Wizard Council for some time now, and it has nothing to do with Lord Voldemort."

Harry gulped, having learned from experience that if Dumbledore was troubled, then everyone should be troubled.

"Have you ever wondered where magic comes from, Harry?"

"I haven't been around it long enough to ever think about it much at all, really."

"Have you ever heard of something called Cthulhu, Harry?"

The scar on Harry's forehead instantly felt like it was on fire, his hand making its customary involuntary trip to pointlessly massage it. "I can't say that I have, sir. Should I have?"

"Is the internet making people less intelligent?"
"You mean like how video cameras cause thrown objects to hit men in the crotch?"
#26 by Charles
2003-01-23 20:21:57
www.bluh.org
"More to the point," Dumbledore continued, "have you heard of the matrix?"

"People who give John Edwards money are stupid, and you're stupid for defending them, stupid."  -- Your Friend
#27 by yotsuya
2003-01-23 20:22:01
And now, Harry Potter told by Bret Easton Ellis:

I look at this old guy, trying to hear what he is saying, but not really hearing the words. I just want to get away, to disappear.

Disappear here.

He's talking about Cthulhu, and I think it might be a club on Hollywood and Vine, or else a new song by the Human League. I touch my scar for an uncomfortably long time.

He says he's my dad, which might or might not be true, because after all, with my mom, you never know. It might have happened when she went to Europe with that doctor, when she and dad were thinking about separating.

I got your clever covers right here!
/grabs crotch.
#28 by Bailey
2003-01-23 20:26:12
GODFUCK NO STOP NOW.

It's a pigbird, obviously.
#29 by LPMiller
2003-01-23 20:28:51
lpmiller@gotapex.com http://www.gotapex.com
As told by Stephen King.

"Ah, fuck this", thinks Harry.  "Old fart don't know nothing."

Harry reaches deep into the bowels of his anger, the very bowels, and summons up a dark, festering pool of magic. It takes shape in his sweaty, fat palms. He looks at Dumblebum sideways, and flings the fucker right him.

"You know who I am, Mutha fucker!!??? Do you know who I am?? HARRY FUCKING POTTER, THAT'S WHO!!!!!!"

I believe I can fly......urk.
#30 by Bailey
2003-01-23 20:29:58
Dude, King never says mutha. He's white and he knows it.

It's a pigbird, obviously.
#31 by "Longhorn"
2003-01-23 20:31:23
Harry was distraught.  If Dumbledore was his father, than who was the prick who kept him locked under the stairs all those years?  Harry let the rage build up.  He became a walking freight train of hate.  He would confront that fat bastard who had abused him so many years ago.

Actually, it was only a few years, but Harry didn't care.  He didn't let reason his into the way of his automatic rifle purchase.  He also stoped by Lowes hardware and picked up a nice ice pick and hacksaw.

Harry wasn't going to kill this man.  He was going to torture him, then screw the neighbors poodle.
#32 by LPMiller
2003-01-23 20:34:22
lpmiller@gotapex.com http://www.gotapex.com
Dude, he so does.

I believe I can fly......urk.
#33 by "Longhorn"
2003-01-23 20:39:25
Oh Lawrence Peter, I've never read him say Mutha.  Then again, I haven't read a King book since 1987, maybe he's taken a liking to it since then.


Lawrence....

Lawrence of Arabia....

He's an English guy.....

Came to fight the Turkish.
#34 by Warren Marshall
2003-01-23 20:39:26
http://www.wantonhubris.com/
Yeah, this topic was a good idea.
#35 by Foodbunny
2003-01-23 20:39:56
foodbunny@attbi.com http://www.foodbunny.com
Not enough wacky sex/masturbation for it to be Stephen King.

"It's great to be known, but it's even better to be known as strange." - Takeshi Kaga
#36 by Marsh Davies
2003-01-23 20:42:34
www.verbalchilli.com
"Wait," said Harry. "Let's have some wacky sex/masturbation first... mutha fucka!"

#37 by Foodbunny
2003-01-23 20:44:11
foodbunny@attbi.com http://www.foodbunny.com
That's better.

"It's great to be known, but it's even better to be known as strange." - Takeshi Kaga
#38 by Gunp01nt
2003-01-23 20:44:57
supersimon33@hotmail.com
so there's gonna be man-to-child sexual interaction after all?

"Since most elephants don't comply with the AGP 2.0 specification, we recommend that God does a product recall on all elephants"
#39 by Marsh Davies
2003-01-23 20:45:45
www.verbalchilli.com
Everyone's happy. Except possibly Hermione.

#40 by UncleJeet
2003-01-23 20:46:58
(continuing from Caryn's first tidbit)

"Dumbledore," said Dumbledore, "is not in fact my given name."

Harry blinked not quite in shock, but more out of habit.  He was used to not understanding what was going on, and had eventually found it best to play the role of the confused lad to its fullest, lest the Sorting Hat change its mind and move him to Slitherin house where a certain respectable level of cleverness is not only required, but expected.  Just to be safe, he blinked again.

"Furthermore, my home is not in England," the old wizard continued.

More blinking.

"And that means that you are not of British either, my boy."

Confused lad or not, Harry began to suspect that Dumbledore was no longer playing with a full Tarot.  He looked up at the old headmaster.  "Are you feeling quite right then, Professor Dumbledore?"  As a matter of caution, he blinked.  Twice.

"I'm as right as rain, dear Harry.  It is you who I am concerned about."

"Me?  Because you're my father?"

"Yes, Harry.  I worry that this news might upset you."  Dumbledore adjusted his mouth the way all old people everywhere do, only his way was more refined and wizardly, and therefore there was an occasional *pop* followed by a blue flash of light as his +3 Dentures of Chewing clicked against the roof of his mouth.

Harry's eyes narrowed their focus on Dumbledore.  "So apart from you having bedded my mum and such, what other news is there?  Really, you did say you would tell me everything."

"Of course, Harry, of course.  But first you have to accept me as your father, and I'm afraid that this is a challenge that shall prove most difficult for you to overcome."

"Difficult," Harry said, and with a just a hint of sarcasm followed up with, "I should think so."

Dumbledore shifted in his chair.  "Indeed.  Especially considering that you are also my younger brother."

"What?"  Harry's jaw dropped open.  "Do you mean -- "

"Yes,"  Dumbledore nodded.  His wizardly hat seemed to wink at Harry.  "My given name is Bud, and we are, the both of us, from Texas."

Blah....

I'm fighting terrorism by playing violent video games!
#41 by Warren Marshall
2003-01-23 20:48:37
http://www.wantonhubris.com/
What?
#42 by Foodbunny
2003-01-23 20:49:01
foodbunny@attbi.com http://www.foodbunny.com
you are not of British either


I'd be confused too.

"It's great to be known, but it's even better to be known as strange." - Takeshi Kaga
#43 by MCorleone
2003-01-23 20:50:39
Someone just link to some Potterslash and be done with it.

Question:  Is Control controlled by it's need to control?
Answer:  Yes
#44 by Eric T. Cheng
2003-01-23 20:50:40
erictcheng@hotmail.com
More reasons for me not to ever read the books or see the third movie...

Kilt Wearing Pixel Pushing Monkey Boy
IMDB Entry
DVD Collection
#45 by Bailey
2003-01-23 20:51:50
Dude, he so does.

Pfft, whatever man. WhatEVer.

It's a pigbird, obviously.
#46 by The_Joker
2003-01-23 20:53:05
http://www.jackinworld.com
I'd like to see some man-to-child action myself. Anyone?

Joker, Ph.D. Procedural Assholian Behaviour, Pedophilosopher
- All your ass are belong to my wang Jafd. Prepare to are penetration.
"I fart in THX." - Sgt_Hulka

PENETRATOR: Rise of the Wang Cuming March 19 (Wang Wednesday)
#47 by MCorleone
2003-01-23 20:54:03
Get on efnet and msg PT0WN5H3ND312 - He'll set you up.

Question:  Is Control controlled by it's need to control?
Answer:  Yes
#48 by Bailey
2003-01-23 20:56:08
I've never really felt one way or the other for the movies, but I have to say, I really don't understand the appeal of the books. Sure, there's escapism and such there for the kids, but for the adults? The level of writing seems, at best, pre to early teen. Someone forced the first book on me a few years back, and after about eight paragraphs, I felt as though I was being talked down to by a specially gifted kid.

Then again, maybe I'm just a horrible snobbery beast.

It's a pigbird, obviously.
#49 by Foodbunny
2003-01-23 20:57:48
foodbunny@attbi.com http://www.foodbunny.com
Bailey, it does get better about that if you get past the first two books.  But that depends on if you want to invest that much reading time into them or not.

"It's great to be known, but it's even better to be known as strange." - Takeshi Kaga
#50 by Bailey
2003-01-23 20:59:54
No, my time is at somewhat of a premium, what with all the cable tv, drinking, and whatnot I have to fit into my workaday world.

It's a pigbird, obviously.
C O M M E N T S
Home » Topic: Potter DIY

|«« - Previous Page - Next Page - »»|
P O S T   A   C O M M E N T

You need to be logged in to post a comment here. If you don't have an account yet, you can create one here. Registration is free.
C R A P T A G S
Simple formatting: [b]bold[/b], [i]italic[/i], [u]underline[/u]
Web Links: [url=www.mans.de]Cool Site[/url], [url]www.mans.de[/url]
Email Links: [email=some@email.com]Email me[/email], [email]some@email.com[/email]
Simple formatting: Quoted text: [quote]Yadda yadda[/quote]
Front Page (ATOM) • Submission Bin (2) • ArchivesUsersLoginCreate Account
You are currently not logged in.
There are currently 0 people browsing this site. [Details]