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Sweet Loving by the keyboard
November 5th 2002, 07:36 CET by Matt Davis

Getting dates via internet dating services has always had a stigma attached to it, but it seems to me to becoming far more acceptable, why is this?

Personally I've never had a problem with this kind of dating, and while (so far) I've not actually had a long term relationship from it, its always helped build up my confidence that people are actually interested in me so I can catch the eye of someone who I meet at a party or wherever.

Whats also surprised me is the large number of just incredibly good looking people with a very high degree of intelligence that are signing up to sites.

I'm interested to hear other peoples opinions on this, experiences (if any) and any freak stories (I have some but I'm not going to tell you unless this topic is voted in).
C O M M E N T S
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#1 by Leslie Nassar
2002-11-05 07:39:49
http://departmentofinternets.com
I like monkeys.  Can I date a monkey?

A shield spell?
To protect them from the culling song, the Sarge says.
"But not to worry," he says.  "I have a badge and a gun and a penis."
#2 by Leslie Nassar
2002-11-05 07:41:28
http://departmentofinternets.com
If you would like to date me, I'm 28, I'm Australian, I like monkeys and long walks on the beach.

A shield spell?
To protect them from the culling song, the Sarge says.
"But not to worry," he says.  "I have a badge and a gun and a penis."
#3 by Max
2002-11-05 07:58:20
http://massivebraincase.org/
I know a sick little monkey who might be interested.

I am surprised that they modeled seats on the women's bicycles.  If you are going to push the envelope, then you should push it. -ChunkStyle
#4 by "Anonymous"
2002-11-05 08:08:50
I think it has a stigma because most people believe (quite rightly) that most of the "young women" on the internet are fat, sweaty 40 year old guys...

see theparlour.wmv for more details :)
#5 by "Torias"
2002-11-05 08:10:33
bah, "anonymous" was me.
#6 by E-ph0nk
2002-11-05 08:19:55
http://www.electrophonk.be
A while ago, i checked a local "dating/meeting site" just to see who subscribed on it... I found 4 of my friends on there, and two (pretty) girls i knew.

I was doubting between "do i register as myself to date the girls", and "do i register as a girl to laugh with my friends".

*sigh*
#7 by Squeaky
2002-11-05 08:28:40
#5: says the unregistered anonymous lurker.

I'm interested to hear other peoples opinions on this, experiences (if any) and any freak stories (I have some but I'm not going to tell you unless this topic is voted in).

Now that it has been voted in, we need to hear those stories.

“Gay Away makes you invisible to this ‘Gaydar’ just like the Stealth Bomber is invisible to radar.”
Pitiful DVD Collection
#8 by jafd
2002-11-05 08:29:22
I think there's a big difference between meeting some random person in IRC or a message board and dating them, and going to a dedicated service and dating someone there.

But I think that the perception of that difference to the general public is extremely small.

The next time I am single and lookin' po' nub, I will very definitely avail myself of the services that are available now. I really can't think of any good reasons why one would not. "Everyone on the internet is a crazy fucko" just doesn't wash anymore.

However, I will NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN date someone that I meet on a Quake server. Nope, not doing it. I'm still in hiding. Jesus Hotel Christ. (thanks MattG!)

"My fu is my strongest feature."
#9 by Squeaky
2002-11-05 08:34:06
I will NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN date someone that I meet on a Quake server.

Again? What possesed you to do something utterly, utterly idiotic like that?

“Gay Away makes you invisible to this ‘Gaydar’ just like the Stealth Bomber is invisible to radar.”
Pitiful DVD Collection
#10 by jafd
2002-11-05 08:34:59
Like most other clusterfucks, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

No pun intended.

"My fu is my strongest feature."
#11 by Bailey
2002-11-05 08:42:23
At the behest of MattD, I registered for an online dating service. I was instantly alerted to the plethora of hot, horny females who needed my sweet, sweet loving! The only issues: A) Half were lesbians who fell victim to a poor filtering system, and B) half had no pictures, which were either men, or ugly.

Case closed!!!

Chris Crosby. Living the webcomic success story, one day at a time.
#12 by Max
2002-11-05 08:43:37
http://massivebraincase.org/
Lesbians from a poor filtering system are, after all, still lesbians.  Isn't that worth your $4.95?

I am surprised that they modeled seats on the women's bicycles.  If you are going to push the envelope, then you should push it. -ChunkStyle
#13 by Bailey
2002-11-05 08:44:59
It was free, so it was worth even less. kiss.com or some crazy free crap.

Chris Crosby. Living the webcomic success story, one day at a time.
#14 by E-ph0nk
2002-11-05 08:46:02
http://www.electrophonk.be
It's not the same, but I met my current gf using msn, as she contacted me because of a forum post that i made.

*sigh*
#15 by Max
2002-11-05 08:49:00
http://massivebraincase.org/
I dunno.  I've been out of dating for 17 years, so perhaps things are different in this newfangled intarweb world... but it seems to me that as a percentage that one is much more likely to meet a compatible partner via the grocery store or the nightclub or the state fair than via a website.  It's strikes me as being similar to trying to find a partner by sending out form letters via postal mail.  I realize you can filter the results by whatever criteria on these sites, but c'mon... how honest are people in describing themselves?

I am surprised that they modeled seats on the women's bicycles.  If you are going to push the envelope, then you should push it. -ChunkStyle
#16 by Caryn
2002-11-05 08:50:37
carynlaw@pacbell.net http://www.hellchick.net
The only difference in signing up for one of those services and meeting some random person is that you simply put yourself out there more. I don't think there's a stigma attached at all to these services -- I have friends who've met the Significant Others Of Their Dreams through these things.

I don't think that meeting someone over the internet anymore is considered strange. It's no different than meeting someone you didn't know at some party. Sure, the person on the other end of an ICQ conversation can definitely be a 47 year old overweight guy in Duluth masquerading as a 25 year old gorgeous blonde from L.A., but someone at a party can also hide things about themselves. The difference is that you can do it to a much more extreme level over the net.

The great thing about match.com-type places is that you really keep the wheat and get rid of the chaff right away. You can completely ignore all brunettes who smoke and love cats in a search if that's what you choose, and leave only the blondes under 25 who are into great literature if that's your thing.

A friend of mine met his current girlfriend from Yahoo's service, and they've been together a year and according to him she's absolutely The One and they will likely be getting married in the near future. He said he was really nervous going into this -- he's 40 years old and just didn't know what to expect when he put his profile in there. After emailing with three women who contacted him and finding out that they just really weren't his type (one woman kept going on and on and ON about horses, and he got sick of that), he got to his current girlfriend. He said after emailing they spoke on the phone, and then decided to meet for the first time. He said he found it really funny because they both went into the meeting with this really specific list of questions for each other, and in a way that was somewhat comforting -- they'd already done a lot of weeding out just by virtue of checking each other's public information in the service, so it was pretty likely they'd at least get along. And they did.

"Went to eat my breakfast the next morning, the blues started to walkin' all over my bread..." -- Sonny Boy Williamson, 23 Hours Too Long
#17 by Max
2002-11-05 08:51:26
http://massivebraincase.org/
It's also strikes me's that I's used an extra 's.

I am surprised that they modeled seats on the women's bicycles.  If you are going to push the envelope, then you should push it. -ChunkStyle
#18 by Bailey
2002-11-05 08:51:36
That's only if one leaves the house, fucko.

Chris Crosby. Living the webcomic success story, one day at a time.
#19 by Caryn
2002-11-05 08:53:44
carynlaw@pacbell.net http://www.hellchick.net
Max:

but it seems to me that as a percentage that one is much more likely to meet a compatible partner via the grocery store or the nightclub or the state fair than via a website.


The grocery store? Do you commonly find yourself asking the woman next to you who's sniffing the cantelope for a date? I dunno, I just see all of these situations (except for the nightclub) as not being conducive to getting to know a person well enough to warrant them giving you their phone number and getting in contact again.

Since I've been married for nearly 8 years I'm also too long out of the dating scene to experience this for myself, but I've definitely met people I call friends now over the net (people I've since met in real life and actively keep in touch with), so it's not out of the realm of possibility that if I were single I'd likely find an SO like that as well. As long as I used it to learn a LOT about the person before I met them, though.

"Went to eat my breakfast the next morning, the blues started to walkin' all over my bread..." -- Sonny Boy Williamson, 23 Hours Too Long
#20 by bago
2002-11-05 08:55:05
manga_Rando@hotmail.com
I have this tendancy to use AIM instead of a phone.

Meet girl, Exchange AIM, Commence polite conversation, wait for things to get intersting.

Why don't you study REAL science?
#21 by E-ph0nk
2002-11-05 08:57:45
http://www.electrophonk.be
Intersting situations are the best!

*sigh*
#22 by Squeaky
2002-11-05 09:00:06
wait for things to get intersting.

And wait, and wait, then wait some more, and wait, more waiting.

That about sums up my relationships thus far. All I have to say about it is: meh, it's their loss.

“Gay Away makes you invisible to this ‘Gaydar’ just like the Stealth Bomber is invisible to radar.”
Pitiful DVD Collection
#23 by Max
2002-11-05 09:00:41
http://massivebraincase.org/
The two people I've known who've met people via a web matching service told me they weren't having any luck and didn't find it that helpful to them.  That's a big enough statistical universe for me!

Actually (as is the case quite often), reading Caryn's bit answers some of my questions about these places.  Even if people aren't being completely honest, it's not like you're going to marry them without meeting them first.  As a filtering method, I suppose they're a good idea.

The grocery store, yeah.  Back in the day (i.e. the pre-spouse day) I found grocery stores to be treasure troves of women I'd like to know better, and have met quite a few long-term friends that way.  I've been with my wife since high school, so I haven't been looking in grocery stores (or anywhere else) for romance, but it's alway seemed like a good spot to me.

I am surprised that they modeled seats on the women's bicycles.  If you are going to push the envelope, then you should push it. -ChunkStyle
#24 by Bailey
2002-11-05 09:01:01
Caryn

All sorts of cantelope-related conversations can ensue.

Chris Crosby. Living the webcomic success story, one day at a time.
#25 by Bailey
2002-11-05 09:02:01
Squeaky

Right. Their loss.

Chris Crosby. Living the webcomic success story, one day at a time.
#26 by E-ph0nk
2002-11-05 09:02:51
http://www.electrophonk.be
The grocery store only looks attractive as a pickup place if your "target of love" happens to work there.  That is IF you would want to date someone who works there.

*sigh*
#27 by Caryn
2002-11-05 09:03:11
carynlaw@pacbell.net http://www.hellchick.net
Also, to answer an actual question in the topic:

Getting dates via internet dating services has always had a stigma attached to it, but it seems to me to becoming far more acceptable, why is this?


I think the reason why they were stigmatized at first was because they were too much like the Personals in the newspaper -- a 10-word paragraph squeezing in what they were looking for and what they were like, no picture, no other information to really go on. It felt desperate.

But services like match.com now allow you to really put a lot of information about yourself out there -- a picture, your likes and dislikes, what you look for in another person, anything you want. In addition, so many more people now use IM programs or chat rooms that it's almost natural for them to find someone in one of these mediums that they like enough to follow up with. These places are the modern equivalent of the bar or a coffee shop -- you just get together for some socialization and you also just happen to meet someone who catches your eye (so to speak).

"Went to eat my breakfast the next morning, the blues started to walkin' all over my bread..." -- Sonny Boy Williamson, 23 Hours Too Long
#28 by Terata
2002-11-05 09:03:14
There's four or five people on my ICQ list who I've been talking to more or less daily for years, but I've never actually met in person -- two of which I originally met via EverQuest.  I certainly don't consider it ridiculous that you could meet a significant other that way.
#29 by Russ
2002-11-05 09:05:19
one woman kept going on and on and ON about horses, and he got sick of that

Maybe she was on the wrong kind of dating service.

He's clear in his mind, but his soul is mad.
#30 by Caryn
2002-11-05 09:05:53
carynlaw@pacbell.net http://www.hellchick.net
Bailey:

All sorts of cantelope-related conversations can ensue.


My husband got hit on in the grocery store by a tiny little Asian woman the other day (I mention that only because my husband is this big, burly white guy, so I thought it was really cute that this woman chose to hit on him). Apparently he was picking out mushrooms when she came up and said, "does bigger always mean better?"

Sailed right over his sweet, naive head. He started going on about how no, that's not always the case, and what she should look for in mushrooms. Then she said, "If I get some mushrooms, would you cook for me?" And he said no, he really couldn't, because he had somewhere to be.

Didn't even realize he'd been hit on until he was driving home, and he had to ask me for confirmation.

"Went to eat my breakfast the next morning, the blues started to walkin' all over my bread..." -- Sonny Boy Williamson, 23 Hours Too Long
#31 by Max
2002-11-05 09:06:37
http://massivebraincase.org/
I don't attach any stigma to them at all... just questioning their efficacy.

I've known Morn since about 1997, but we've never met in person.  The stigma I feel is because he's German, not because we met online.

I am surprised that they modeled seats on the women's bicycles.  If you are going to push the envelope, then you should push it. -ChunkStyle
#32 by Max
2002-11-05 09:09:49
http://massivebraincase.org/
Caryn-

Heh.  My wife is naive that same way.  She'll be going on about someone at work or at the gym who said this or did that, and I'll say, "Well, did you give him your phone number when he asked for it?"  Her response is almost always one of surprise - "How did you know he asked for it?"  I tell ya, I'd be worried about her if I didn't know her so well.

I am surprised that they modeled seats on the women's bicycles.  If you are going to push the envelope, then you should push it. -ChunkStyle
#33 by Russ
2002-11-05 09:17:08
So if I go to a grocery store looking for a longterm meaningful relationship, the best place is in produce? Yeah, I guess the sight off all those bananas, cucumbers, and melons does lead to thoughts of commitment. Seriously, I agree that grocery stores are a good place to meet people. Everybody eats after all. Hanging out in lingerie departments seems to creep women out though.

He's clear in his mind, but his soul is mad.
#34 by Max
2002-11-05 09:31:35
http://massivebraincase.org/
Not if you're trying things on.

I am surprised that they modeled seats on the women's bicycles.  If you are going to push the envelope, then you should push it. -ChunkStyle
#35 by Bailey
2002-11-05 09:44:42
Caryn

Hold tight to that one. We can't all have significant others with the relative naïveté of a twelve-year old, and dark lord satan knows they're that much more fun to corrupt.

Chris Crosby. Living the webcomic success story, one day at a time.
#36 by Bailey
2002-11-05 09:53:13
Let me just say that there are few things more disgusting than water from a brand new faucet, even if filtered. Tastes like I'm attempting to imbibe a chunk of pig iron.

Chris Crosby. Living the webcomic success story, one day at a time.
#37 by Cliff
2002-11-05 10:03:46
cps46@rcn.com
A friend of mine has now been happily living for six years or so with a girl he first met on a MUD.  They met, they chatted, they cybered, they got virtually married, yada yada.  Then when he was over in the States, they met...and She actually turned out to be...(drumroll)...a She!  A very hot (part?) asian one at that.

God I hate him.

Yeah?  Well...you know, that's just like uh...your opinion, man.
#38 by Post-It
2002-11-05 10:04:09
keithlee@speakeasy.net
Didn't we just go over this dating thing just a couple of weeks ago? PC is turning into a lovefest.

I don't see why there would be any stigma really attached to these type of services. While I wouldn't go for it, I don't see why someone should not. It's like Caryn and others stated above; is meeting someone through a dedicated date-finding service really that different than meeting someone at a party? I think people used to see it as deseperate. If you were really "hot to trot" you wouldn't need something like this. However, people's lives have become so hectic and busy I'm not suprised that more and more professionals have begun to use these services.

Hell, I recently recall reading an article about some super high-end dating service in NYC. The fee was something like $40,000 a year. They only acceptted people with mad bank, and you had to be in relatively good shape. I remeber the PR person they interviewed from the firm stating that they also definitely have a "standard" in terms of appearence (PR speak to PC speak: If you're ugly, piss off). Regardless of whether it's online or not, dating/matching services have really come into their own, especially considering how picky and choosey people have become.

When was the last time you were offered something without options? How many things/items in do you have/have purchased that are/were customizable. That's the only problem I see with these dating services. I wonder if some people look into it as buying a new car. "I like these colors, CD player, oh I definitely have to have wood-grain paneling...with big boobs." Regardless, I think these type services are a viable option for those who choose to use them.

I still maintain that the best place to meet women is:

A} A class of some sort [instant common point of (dis)interest, constant time together, good excuse to speak to someone, i.e. "Can I look at your notes?" or "that assignment was about...?, etc.]

B} A physical activities club [instant common point of interest, even moreso if it is an activity-specific club instead of a general fitness club, also constant time together if you maintain a regular schedule with it. Plus you'll get in shape!]

C} Bars or Lounges, not clubs or discoteques [instant common point of interest, you're both drunks. More than likely women are there to meet men as well, they're just apprehensive about being approached by an asshole (a high probabilty for a woman in a bar). Which is why I always make it a point whenever this comes up: KNOW the bartender. Thet are the one source in the whole bar with any type of authority or constant source for information. If the bartender thinks you're cool, women tend to be more apt to your advances.]

Mostly, (almost over, I haven't posted in awhile and have been saving up) I pissed at romantic comedies which portray this hilarious/whacky/zany/romantic/sweet/silly but still-cute-in-that-type-of-awwwwwww.... way in which people meet each other. They encourage this groupthink mentatilty among many, not all, women that they have to meet someone in this "romantic comedy" sort of way which generates unecessary preconceptions when it comes to meeting men. Thusly, making it much more difficult for guys to just come up to a woman in a bar and say: "Hi, my name's Bob, would you like to get coffee or something tommorrow afternoon?"

Comment Signature
#39 by Matt Davis
2002-11-05 10:05:51
http://looroll.com
What?

"But thanks to Matt's powers of insinuation, I haven't worn said pants (in the British sense) in over a month... and I've never felt more alive!" - Bailey
#40 by Cliff
2002-11-05 10:12:07
cps46@rcn.com
I think it was fictional, but I'm not certain -- I recall reading about a "random" dating/escort service aimed at men, very high priced.

The way it worked was: you go about your business, hitting on women in various places and circumstances.  But a number of them (two per month, what have you) are "plants" from the agency that willingly respond to your advances.  Thus, you go away with the impression you're quite the ladies' man, even though you're a fat balding mysoginistic CEO.

Jesus, on reread that sounds stupid.  Trust me, it was much better in the original...anybody know the story/article I'm referring to?

Yeah?  Well...you know, that's just like uh...your opinion, man.
#41 by Neale
2002-11-05 10:16:00
neale@pimurho.co.uk www.pimurho.co.uk
I met my wife on IRC. We both lived in the UK (albeit at opposite ends) and she needed help with her computer. I offered to repair/upgrade it. We met, things happened, and now we've been married for almost 5 years, with one child and another on the way. W00t!

signatures are, as I've stated, for perverts
#42 by Cliff
2002-11-05 10:18:27
cps46@rcn.com
Of course, given in-prison marriage ceremonies and conjugal visits, one could choose to live out one of George Costanza's fantasies.

Yeah?  Well...you know, that's just like uh...your opinion, man.
#43 by Matt Davis
2002-11-05 10:23:42
http://looroll.com
Post-it,

I still maintain that the best place to meet women is:


A} Thats great if you have the time/can find a course you want to do/ or like me you do a course but its long distance learning (MA in Design Management)

B} More and more often now gyms are seperate for the sexes here, some mixed gyms here actively discourage that sort of thing for obvious reasons, the creeps of this world ruin it for the rest of us.

C} It sound like you're in a small/large town rather than a sprawling metropolis, for me to get to know the bartender I'd have to sit in a bar every-damn-night, and while I like drinking, its sure an expensive way of drinking every night.


Cliff,

God I hate him.


I think that story is the extreme, thats in the nerd zone, way out of the geek zone.


jafd,

But I think that the perception of that difference to the general public is extremely small.


Yeah, a lot of my friends who are net savvy think its a great way to meet people, but I'm pretty sure joe no-compaq would think it was insane and likely to get me killed.

"But thanks to Matt's powers of insinuation, I haven't worn said pants (in the British sense) in over a month... and I've never felt more alive!" - Bailey
#44 by Matt Davis
2002-11-05 10:24:57
http://looroll.com
Neale,

Love at first byte?

"But thanks to Matt's powers of insinuation, I haven't worn said pants (in the British sense) in over a month... and I've never felt more alive!" - Bailey
#45 by bago
2002-11-05 10:39:37
manga_Rando@hotmail.com
Oh pun police, arrest this man

Why don't you study REAL science?
#46 by None-1a
2002-11-05 12:38:08
Getting dates via internet dating services has always had a stigma attached to it, but it seems to me to becoming far more acceptable, why is this?


The stigma was a hold over from personals/computerized dating services. It's becoming more acceptable mostly do to how the mainstream have been treating the services. Since in they where signing up just to see what the fuss was about they tended to use a more half-hearted joking tone then the normal cut and dry looking for love profiles. Because of that it's become almost fun to sign up (fun is a bit plus on the not for desperate losers scale)
#47 by "Ghost in my Shell"
2002-11-05 13:48:05
Met mine on a random mud i joined one night 5 years ago, she showed up at the same time and since it was 2 am we just started talking...

she was from hawaii, I'm from NC, i went and met her 6 months after(hot asian ;-) to my relief as well)payed for my trips by selling plasma while I was in school, 2 yrs after that she finished school and moved to NC and we've been together since...

my only regret is that shes been americanized(you know like those movies where they bring the native girl from some foreign place to new york and she changes) she used to like cooking and such...sigh...
#48 by "Ghost in my Shell"
2002-11-05 13:49:10
Come on lets hijack this thread...


HardOCP vs CPL....FIGHT!
#49 by Darkseid-D
2002-11-05 14:29:56
rogerboal@hotmail.com
I met my fiancee on irc about ... shit .. 4 years ago, flew out in Nov 00 to spend thanks giving in Phoenix with her, she spent most of easter 01 over here.

still waiting on the the fiancee visa to continue processing, then I can get out there

its hard waiting, painful at times, especially when youre limited to phones or virtual contacts (email Ims etc)



*sigh*


cmon American type government, get the finger out



Ds

Never argue with an idiot, theyll drag you down onto their level, then beat you with experience.
#50 by Warren Marshall
2002-11-05 14:33:45
http://www.wantonhubris.com/
Match.com has been excellent for me.  I've met a number of nice girls through there and even met a few of them (one of these was the girl I went to the Tool show with this last weekend).  Match.com works well because you have to pay to join, which weeds out a lot of fuckos, plus you communicate through anonymous email masking until you feel comfortable enough to do something more ... so you're completely protected until you feel like stepping into the light.

Post-It
I still maintain that the best place to meet women is:

If you have the time and energy, perhaps, but places like match.com let you whittle down the list pretty damn quickly and you don't spend a lot of time talking to a woman who doesn't want you ... for whatever reason : religious beliefs, political views, etc.  The power of teh intarnet makes it possible.

"Quit whining you haven't done anything wrong because, frankly, you haven't done much of anything."
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