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Microsoft Needs Emergency Dentist
April 2nd 2002, 07:40 CEST by Martin Davies

John Riccitiello, president of Electronic Arts, told Bloomberg financial news service that

"Microsoft has had its teeth kicked in, in both Europe and Japan."

Ignoring the clumsy consecutive repetition of the word "in", firstly as a secondary particle of a phrasal verb and then as a preposition, he may just have a point. But what has caused Microsoft's mucky maw to be mucked up more? The Xbox, apparently.

According to the ever reliable British press, the Xbox has bombed; though naturally no figures were provided to back this up. The proof is, according to daily British broadsheet The Independent, that

"There have been no stock shortages - which would be expected if there were feverish buying of the consoles."

Microsoft claim that this is due to uber-efficient factories in Poland, or something, and have played down the alleged problem, claiming that there is still a "strong demand" in Europe. But they would say that, wouldn't they?

Meanwhile, back at the Deutsche Bank...

"While Xbox had been projected to struggle because of inadequate software and poor brand recognition, the setback is worse than imagined,"

said Takashi Oya, who is apparently an analyst of somekind.  What the fuck? Who is this guy talking about? What the hell kind of analyst is he anyway?

82% of the world's game developers have completely shafted the PC in favour of the Xbox, so precisely how can the software be inadequate? It's Microsoft for the sake of sweet baby Jesus - the world's most famous brand of anything anywhere. Exactly how could it have poor brand recognition? On second thoughts, don't answer that, especially if you've ever read any marketting books.

So, is this just the usual MIRCO$OFT IS RUBISSH!!!!!!!11111 doomsaying, or is the Xbox failing? And why? What's the word on the inside, devs? What would be the repercussions on those currently developing for Xbox, were the console to flounder?

For the purpose of this article all numbers were pulled from my anus.
C O M M E N T S
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#1 by JMCDaveL
2002-04-02 07:44:18
KEKE

--jmc
#2 by Speed
2002-04-02 08:19:28
speed@crew.fragland.net http://www.fragland.net
There are 2 reasons why XBox could fail :

1. No current userbase : they have to start their userbase from scratch and don't have experience in console land like Sony or Nintendo. Although several developers of console games have started developing for XBox, that doesn't guarantee success. Also, console gamers aren't waiting to be able to play PC games on their console.

2. Price : PS2 and Gamecube are way cheaper than XBox, and seeing the prices of the games, Microsoft doesn't really shine there either. Also considering that Sony has a wide variety of games available already and budget-versions of their former top-games I doubt many PS2 owners will sell their PS2 to buy an XBox

Personally I think XBox will be a success in PC land with lots of PC gamers buying an XBox as their first console

I never said I was healthy
#3 by m0nty
2002-04-02 08:20:52
http://tinfinger.blogspot.com
I feel like saying it's all the fault of the greedy consumerist American corporate hegemony, but I have this giant flashing banner right above where I'm typing saying my comment is sponsored by Chips&Bits.

Microsoft is double plus ungood!
#4 by jafd
2002-04-02 08:31:19
It's not going to 'fail' at all. So it isn't burning up the sales so far? S.F.W.? Is it really necessary for a product to bust out of the gate and start churning dough in the first ten minutes for every pundit and his brother to rubber-stamp "success!!!" on it?

Xbox doesn't have any compelling games for it yet, that's all. Consider the difference, if GTA3 were an Xbox title.

It hardly matters. Sure, an Xbox has an NIC in it, but that's not good enough, not by a long chalk. The Xbox2 is likely to be a lot Xexier. Will the Xbox be enough of a "success" to justify the existence of a follow-up product? Er, well, I think it already is. Am I wrong?

"JWITIWO... TPMBI!"
#5 by Paul
2002-04-02 08:48:28
It's a tough market. Microsoft is a rich company. It's a risk, and for their sake, Microsoft should be more concerned with building the Xbox brand name over the next 10 years, instead of sales over the last year.

Even if Microsoft loses a hundred million on this version of Xbox, the market entrance as well as the continual development of the Microsoft Brand name are both worth it's weight in gold.

Microsoft mades it's way into the market because it spotted what other companies did, and then wrapped up other folks' ideas into a broader marketing scheme. For Microsoft to beat Nintendo or Sony so soon is completely unexpected.

I don't trust most analysts. Often the analysts have some type of stake in the very issue they claim to analyze. Even if the analyst is completely independent, very rarely do analysts calculate the other aspects of product development. Does this improve the Microsoft Name? In 10 years will the Xbox market share be worth more? Will advertising/development now pay off for later products? Will the Xbox brand evolve into something greater than the competitors? Did the development team patent any new ideas?

Bottomline: Some times products flop. Other times they prosper. Businesses need big goals to maintain at the top of their game. Analyzing current data just isn't all that accurate in this market.

Paul A. Bullman, Board Certified Crapologist.
#6 by Ashiran
2002-04-02 09:03:51
I thought the Xbox is/was bombing because of the variety of hardware problems coming with it. The number of people that returned their Xbox because it was defective (primarily in Japan) runs in the hundreds. Not very good soil to grow a brand on.

And the games are way too expensive. As the thing itself.

This whole thing will just turn up as a tax deduction on the next Microsoft quarterly report. :P

Bite me. No I'm serious, bite me.
#7 by godZero
2002-04-02 09:15:03
godzero@gmx.de
I have to say it over and over: it's a fucking PC with ten exclusive games for it. Great. But I have to agree with #5. Market entry is damn well worth those 100 million they lost.

Chop Suey-cide!!!
#8 by crash
2002-04-02 09:32:24
i'm waiting to see how things stand this christmas before i start chucking dirt on the xbox's grave. that's, what, 8 months away.

we'll see.

- if you can laugh at it, you can live with it.
- "Hey, how 'bout this: fuck you." -LPMiller
#9 by Mank
2002-04-02 10:30:21
I dont think that comparing the XBox to the PS2 is a legitimate practice, considering that Sony has a major foothold already well established in the console market. Any new console has historically had a slow start, and the PS2's backward compatibility where PS1 titles are concerned pretty much ensured it would hit the ground running. I agree with Paul, the next iteration of the XBox is going to be the most important for Microsoft. The number of games and developers they can manage to get between now and this christmas is going to be most important. And hopefully between now and XMas™, some truly good Multiplayer titles will surface for it as well.

...on the outside looking in, banned by an epiphany at an EB store....
#10 by JMCDaveL
2002-04-02 10:52:49
PS2 and Xbox are the same price.

Unless you factor in the DVD attachment thing.

Speed:
Although several developers of console games have started developing for XBox, that doesn't guarantee success.


Were you having trouble filling a paragraph or what?



THESE COMMENTS BROUGHT TO YOU BY:
CHICKS AND TITS!

--jmc
#11 by Ryslin
2002-04-02 11:40:08
(waves piece of paper)
(start thread hijack)

sooooooo

if i am reading this gamespot article correctly

http://gamespot.com/gamespot/stories/news/0,10870,2859459,00.html

(dont ask me to make it clickable)

then Evarcrack is going to charge 50bucks a MONTH for this service..

after just telling thier folks ...12.95
and the platium service jumps to 69.95(a MONTH)
wtf!!!

20bucks is my limit (i dont play EVARCRACK) but damn i will never pay repeatedly for one game over and over and over and over and..........

no no no no!
anyway.. i guess i am now firmly in the "make single player fullfilling" camp as this probably is the beginings of the end of multi. on a large scale


(end hijack)
Rys

Mamma's don't let your Google's grow up to be Yahoo's!
#12 by The_Joker
2002-04-02 11:40:48
http://www.jackinworld.com
You know, if Morn has a son, and he would name him Fire, that would make his son's fullname Fire Mans.

Joker, Ph.D. Procedural Assholian Behaviour, Pedophilosopher
- All your ass are belong to my wang Jafd. Prepare to are penetration.
#13 by Ryslin
2002-04-02 11:42:16
(waves piece of paper)
Oh damn morn now your using Doubleclick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


anyway..

Sur Fyre Mans... girl?

Mamma's don't let your Google's grow up to be Yahoo's!
#14 by sprayNwipe
2002-04-02 11:49:58
http://spraynwipe.ausgamers.com
though naturally no figures were provided to back this up.


In Australia, they sold 10,000 of their intended 30,000 first week supplies, and 3,000 in the second week. If they continue at selling 3k a week (which I very much doubt, since this weeks figures are apparently trailing off even more), they'll sell less than half of their intended and much-publicised "We will sell 100,000 xboxes in Australia in 3 months" promise. If they sell 33% of their intended sales (realistically), then I think you can very fairly say that they've had their teeth kicked in.

PS2 and Xbox are the same price.


Not outside of the US. Here, the PS2 is $479, xbox is $639, and the GC will be $400. Since the xbox has to be bundled, the minimum out-of-the-shop price in most places is around $950.

Being under $500 is nice, since it's an obvious sweet spot.

No del Oh! los monos están masticando mis brazos!
#15 by sprayNwipe
2002-04-02 11:51:55
http://spraynwipe.ausgamers.com
if i am reading this gamespot article correctly


April Fools claims another victim. GameSpot should really put the date in a noticable spot somewhere...

No del Oh! los monos están masticando mis brazos!
#16 by skalmanxl
2002-04-02 12:34:16
The Xbox will fail, and deserve to fail, if Microsoft keep the retail price in Europe. We have to pay 450-500 $ for a Xbox, in the US the machine retails at 300 $ and in Japan it's at 230$ I belive. Taking into consideration that the Xbox don't have much of killer apps at the moment (can someone say hype? Halo, DOA3) there is no way that the price can be justified today. In my honest opinion, the real flagship of the Xbox is Rallisport Challenge, but it needs more.

Until Microsoft can stop blod-letting Europe with their insane prices (we pay 60-80$ for a game), the Xbox gets the sales it deserves, very low. Microsoft is lying through their teeth, claiming that the Xbox is a "runaway hit" and "meeting strong demand", this is all desperate lies, the Xbox is really bombing in Europe, and they should be happy with the sales in Japan, it sells more then I expected it to.

I don't know if Martin Davies has a sad loss of perspective, or if he is trying to act like a stupid faboy, or if he is simply hurt because his fav. console isn't selling that good, but he isn't making much sense.

*Welcome to the land of the digital*
#17 by Martin
2002-04-02 13:00:23
http://www.mocol.nu
#9 by Mank
I agree with Paul, the next iteration of the XBox is going to be the most important for Microsoft. The number of games and developers they can manage to get between now and this christmas is going to be most important.

Care to make up your mind? 9)

#12 by The_Joker
You know, if Morn has a son, and he would name him Fire, that would make his son's fullname Fire Mans.

I'd name him Hu. 9)

#16 by skalmanxl
Taking into consideration that the Xbox don't have much of killer apps at the moment (can someone say hype? Halo, DOA3) there is no way that the price can be justified today.

So, why did you buy one then? 9)

I don't know if Martin Davies has a sad loss of perspective, or if he is trying to act like a stupid faboy, or if he is simply hurt because his fav. console isn't selling that good, but he isn't making much sense.

Welcome to PlanetCrap! 9)

-- Martin
Hunkalicious since 1972!
#18 by deadlock
2002-04-02 13:29:18
http://www.deadlocked.org/
This comment is brought to you by:

some bitch, some dude, whatever

Is that an infringement on my intellectual property rights. And stop shortening it to IP, i keep thinking I'm going to get an oppurtunity to display my vast knowledge of networking.

And mr0n should name his son Dead. And then his son should marry christopher walken and adopt a double-barrel name. ha ha.

you think you're funny ? I'll cut a hole in your head and piss through it...
#19 by deadlock
2002-04-02 13:30:11
http://www.deadlocked.org/
Oh and X-Box suX, cos I own a PS2. Nah, I'm messing. Power to the people, the revolution will not be televised, blah blah.

you think you're funny ? I'll cut a hole in your head and piss through it...
#20 by skalmanxl
2002-04-02 13:30:53
So, why did you buy one then? 9)


Got mine for 400$ and I'll be getting alot of free games for it, works for me, specially as I'm a part of "online games media".

*Welcome to the land of the digital*
#21 by Durzel
2002-04-02 14:43:04
durzel@barrysworld.com http://www.superficial.net
I personally think its a political issue rather than a technological one.

Sony, Nintendo and Sega being Japanese companies n' all, there were an awful lot of kitsch Japanese games like Super Puzzle Bobble Fighter Wow Dragon! and suchlike.  At the very least the consoles did very well in Japan and other Asian markets before even coming out in Europe/States.  Xbox is also too much like a PC for its own good, most of the people I've spoken to say things along the lines of "I've already got a kickass PC, why would I need an Xbox?".  And it's too expensive (in the UK anyway).

I need coffee.
#22 by Bailey
2002-04-02 14:45:12
Ryslin

if i am reading this gamespot article correctly

There's so many possible answers to this, but the most polite answer would simply be: "Durr."

I'm a diamond who wants to stay crap.
#23 by Gunp01nt
2002-04-02 15:24:29
supersimon33@hotmail.com
This comment is brought to you by 'The page cannot be found'.

Hosts-file editing always works.
That's why I could and will never contribute to PC by buying stuff online. But like I said, I'd be glad to send you some cash by mail or to send it to your bank account, Morn. Just tell me which one you prefer and then mail me the info I need (address or bank account).


anyway.... X-Box. I played it the same day it was released in Holland (it's nice to have friends who work at computer stores) and I was only partially impressed.
It looked good, especially when it comes to texturing (the planetside locations in Halo were damn pretty - although the spaceship interior was a glare hell!) but the games just don't have THAT much to offer. DOA3? I've played DOA2 for a million times on the DC and it gets really really old after that millionth time so I really didn't like playing the EXACT same game again on the Xbox (plus Lei Fang looked kinda strange all of a sudden, which I consider sacrilige!)
I played a demo of Munch's oddisey some time ago and back then I already noticed that this game has too much of a PC feeling. It doesn't feel right playing it on a console. same goes for Halo.

Plus there's the name MICROSOFT (aaah!) that will scare off at least half the potential market at first sight. I mean, when I saw the first PSX and saw the Sony logo on it, I thought: "Sony makes TV's, VCR's and other eletronic entertainment devices. I bet they can make pretty good consoles too."
Seeing the MS logo on the XBox will make people think: "hmm, Microsoft? they make too expensive slow unstable OS'es and boring applications like MsOffice. Most of the games they make suck too. ..... and they're making a game console??"

So there goes the console market already. What's left is the PC market, who will be more attracted than repulsed by the MS logo, but then again, they already have a PC. Plus you can count out all the L00n1x d0rkz.

add all that up and you get a pretty good count of reasons why the X-Box aint doing so well.

"I'm not sleeping with a junior high-schooler, I have a life sized doll that looks just like one."
#24 by Martin
2002-04-02 15:24:57
http://www.mocol.nu
#18 by deadlock
And mr0n should name his son Dead. And then his son should marry christopher walken and adopt a double-barrel name. ha ha.

That's not very likely. Better if Morn marries his GF, gets Dead, his wife divorces him and then marries Walken, Dead decides to honour his father by keeping both names.

A lot more plausible.

-- Martin
Hunkalicious since 1972!
#25 by Gunp01nt
2002-04-02 15:27:02
supersimon33@hotmail.com
No, no! morn should have his son marry someone named 'Laughter'.
figure it out yourself.

"I'm not sleeping with a junior high-schooler, I have a life sized doll that looks just like one."
#26 by Martin
2002-04-02 15:28:57
http://www.mocol.nu
#23 by Gunp01nt
Seeing the MS logo on the XBox will make people think: "hmm, Microsoft? they make too expensive slow unstable OS'es and boring applications like MsOffice. Most of the games they make suck too. ..... and they're making a game console??"

No. Those of us here might think so but I don't think that Joe Average thinks so. In fact, I bet he uses the latest version of Office without even thinking about all the unnecessary crap that's included in the default install. And MS was the ones who made that game Bejewled wasn't they. That's a fun game!

-- Martin
Hunkalicious since 1972!
#27 by Martin
2002-04-02 15:30:22
http://www.mocol.nu
"wasn't they"? This comment brought to you by English For Dummies.

-- Martin
Hunkalicious since 1972!
#28 by deadlock
2002-04-02 15:34:15
http://www.deadlocked.org/
Martin:
That's not very likely. Better if Morn marries his GF, gets Dead, his wife divorces him and then marries Walken, Dead decides to honour his father by keeping both names.

Hey mr0n! Martin reckons your son wouldn't be good enough to marry Christopher Walken!! Ban him!

Gunpoint:

Err.... Laughter Mans... Mans, Laughter... Nah, I don't get it...

you think you're funny ? I'll cut a hole in your head and piss through it...
#29 by Gunp01nt
2002-04-02 15:41:09
supersimon33@hotmail.com
Mans Laughter.... MANSLAUGHTER. geez.


and martin: bejeweled? huh?

"I'm not sleeping with a junior high-schooler, I have a life sized doll that looks just like one."
#30 by Gunp01nt
2002-04-02 15:41:52
supersimon33@hotmail.com
on another note:

Screw Duke Nukem Forever: Die Hard Nakatomi Plaza has gone gold!

When's the movie coming out? :P

"I'm not sleeping with a junior high-schooler, I have a life sized doll that looks just like one."
#31 by Martin
2002-04-02 15:45:03
http://www.mocol.nu
#29 by Gunp01nt
and martin: bejeweled? huh?

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't Bejeweled hosted on the Zone? Which is run by Microsoft? Ergo: Microsoft = Bejeweled. At least to Joe Average.

-- Martin
Hunkalicious since 1972!
#32 by Gunp01nt
2002-04-02 15:48:07
supersimon33@hotmail.com
no, I meant to say: "WTF is Bejeweled? never heard of it..."

"I'm not sleeping with a junior high-schooler, I have a life sized doll that looks just like one."
#33 by Marsh Davies
2002-04-02 16:07:57
www.verbalchilli.com
skalmanxl:
I don't know if Martin Davies has a sad loss of perspective, or if he is trying to act like a stupid faboy, or if he is simply hurt because his fav. console isn't selling that good, but he isn't making much sense.


Lol. You've misread the tone of what I wrote pretty much entirely - I wasn't even offering an opinion on whether it was failing or not... Kind of why I asked all those questions at the end.

And I don't own any console at all, nor do I intend to.

-- ex Spatula Man --
#34 by Marsh Davies
2002-04-02 16:08:16
www.verbalchilli.com
It means covered in jewels.

-- ex Spatula Man --
#35 by Duality
2002-04-02 16:08:51
Dualipuff@yahoo.com http://stratoscape.ath.cx/
When I first heard Sony was bringing out the PSX, I thought it odd.  They didn't seem like the kind of company that would bring out a good game system.  I, too, thought "They make TVs and VCRs and stuff."  And the first thing that popped into my head was the Phillips CD-i.

After I was proven wrong that Sony wasn't full of shit, I don't think any big company is incapable of making a game system.

I think it is too early to doom MS.  Its been out 4-5 months.  How long did it take Sony to get a real good stock of games after that long of its release?

You're the new nazis.
#36 by LPMiller
2002-04-02 16:10:33
lpmiller@gotapex.com http://www.gotapex.com
bejeweled is only hosted on the zone, and on Yahoo under the name Diamonds. It is also a stand alone/downloadable program from I think Pop Life.

Will warez for food.
#37 by Gunp01nt
2002-04-02 16:11:30
supersimon33@hotmail.com
yahoo? thank god I don't know what it is.

"I'm not sleeping with a junior high-schooler, I have a life sized doll that looks just like one."
#38 by Darkseid-D
2002-04-02 16:16:01
rogerboal@hotmail.com
for regular Pcers

Bejeweled is a `3+ in a row by swapping two adjoining, (horizontal or vertical) icons in a 12x12 grid. When you make 3+ in a row (horizontal/vertical, no diagonal) they vanish and the surround pieces drop down, occasionally causing a chain reaction for bonuses.

its quite soothing really.


Ds

Never argue with an idiot, theyll drag you down onto their level, then beat you with experience.
#39 by m0nty
2002-04-02 16:16:58
http://tinfinger.blogspot.com
So I'm back after a long Easter lay-off, trolling the Web to look for PC topic fuel, and I come across this snippet from Morrowind Summit:

In case some of you didn?t know, kathode, one of Morrowind?s most vocal advocates, has a side gig working as a writer for The Adrenaline Vault. As a member of the press, he too received a beta copy and has served up his preview right here.

Aha, I say to myself, a conflict of interest: perfect fodder for PC in its role of unofficial journal of record for the sopa opera shenanigans of the Web gaming press. Then I realise that accusing an Avault writer of conflict of interest is like saying George Bush executed a lot of people. I look at his profile and take pity on the poor kid. Anyone who hates both forum trolls AND boy bands gets my vote. Finally, I see his April Fool's joke and all is forgiven.
#40 by deadlock
2002-04-02 16:20:32
http://www.deadlocked.org/
Martin Davies:
It means covered in jewels.

Not really, it just means that the object is adorned with a jewel, or jewels.

you think you're funny ? I'll cut a hole in your head and piss through it...
#41 by Marsh Davies
2002-04-02 16:24:29
www.verbalchilli.com
deadlock:
Not really, it just means that the object is adorned with a jewel, or jewels.


And I thought I was being facetious :)

-- ex Spatula Man --
#42 by snowcrash-22
2002-04-02 17:24:02
snowcrash22@excite.com
The other day (March 26th,02) I snagged this article from the Wall Street Journal website.

Microsoft Must Woo Game Makers
From Japan if Its Xbox Is to Thrive


A few highlights:
"Our Microsoft magic didn't work with the game developers," Mr. Ohura says now

At a game-industry conference in Los Angeles, Mr. Ohura rented out a Japanese-style bar, where the drinks are served by women who flirt with the men. He plied top Japanese game makers with so much wine that he says he had to escort them back to their hotels in a stretch limousine.

and so forth and so on...
#43 by snowcrash-22
2002-04-02 17:25:11
snowcrash22@excite.com
sorry for the funky paragraph breaks on the second half of the article
*shrug* Geocities...what do I know?
#44 by Hugin
2002-04-02 17:44:27
lmccain@nber.org
I think it'll be a moot point once Microsoft buys out Nintendo, Sega, and Sony.
#45 by Darkseid-D
2002-04-02 18:53:37
rogerboal@hotmail.com
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/cn/20020402/tc_cn/stealth_p2p_network_hides_inside_kazaa&cid=70


so you intend to piggy back the kazaa install, `turn on` my pc and direct spam me and use it to function for you.


I, dont, fucking, think, so.



opt in?  Well shit hombre, you installed that software without telling me in the first place, why the fuck should I believe you now?


right, I cant track down the links in the other threads, would someone be so kind as to link E-Donkey and Donkeybot (or whatever its called) in this thread please.


Ds

Never argue with an idiot, theyll drag you down onto their level, then beat you with experience.
#46 by Kinetech
2002-04-02 19:29:09
#10, JMCDaveL:
Unless you factor in the DVD attachment thing.


Ok, I'm not an Xbox fanboi -- I actually own a PS2. But I do applaud Microsoft for their efforts with the Xbox and I think the project is gonna be a long-term success for the company.

Bashers always point to the "DVD attachment thing" as a major knock against the Xbox 'cuz it costs an extra $50. "Well," I say, "with an Xbox, you don't need to buy a FUCKING MEMORY CARD FOR $50 JUST TO SAVE YOUR GAMES." Plus, the PS2 controller is a shit-poor way to play movies, and you'll end up buying a wireless remote for $30 anyway.

And then I calm down and go back to playing GTA3.

sanitized for your convenience
#47 by snowcrash-22
2002-04-02 19:38:08
snowcrash22@excite.com
The offical Sony wireless remote for the PS2 is worse than using the controller.  It's utterly useless.
#48 by chris
2002-04-02 19:39:55
cwb@shaithis.com http://www.cerebraldebris.com
The OMM crate version of bejeweled rocked.

-chris
#49 by Duality
2002-04-02 20:13:29
Dualipuff@yahoo.com http://stratoscape.ath.cx/
Ds: donkey.  You'll have to do a search for edonkeybot, as its on the file-finder.com domain, which is blocked here at work.

What's really funny about that Brilliant company, is they said that in the future they will be compensating people who agree to let the software run.  But the millions of people who've downloaded and installed Kazaa, along with their software will not be grandfathered into that compensation deal.

You're the new nazis.
#50 by Max
2002-04-02 20:21:56
http://massivebraincase.org/
#45 - DS

Yeah. Bastards. The distasteful part is that they can point to the EULA and say "you agreed to it!" even though they know that the only people who actually allowed their "brilliant" software to be installed did not read the EULA.  Caveat emptor and all that greek shit.

-max
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