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The 2009 Summer Movie Thread
April 17th 2009, 19:56 MSD by Trunks Star Trek, Up, Terminator, Wolverine, Transformers 2, Harry Potter 6. Bitch about the upcoming summer blockbusters here. |
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Topic: The 2009 Summer Movie Thread
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#1347 by Gunp01nt And for thanks he got tasered and shot and now he's a paraplegic? Hint: burglars don't ring the doorbell. The guy that held up my brother-in-law and stole his truck rang the bell. |
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Things tend to go down differently at gunpoint. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate!
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Took the nephews to see Transformers 2. Other than good special effects and tight t-shirts on Megan Fox, there's not a single decent thing about that movie. My favorite wtf moment. Shia is in class on the East coast at some school and has a freakout, he calls Megan to come help him. He then walks back to his dorm and starts making out with psycho girl. Megan Fox shows up and catches him in the act. Oh yeah, when he called she was in California at her dad's garage. Somehow in the time Shia was walking from class and having a girl put the moves on him, Megan Fox flew across the country. The acting and dialogue is horrible. As far as I can tell there is no plot other than whatever paragraph the writers used to describe it while they counted their millions. It has the same problem as the first movie in that you can tell who Prime and the two racist bots are, every other transformer looks exactly the same in robot form. Really bad, I honestly would have walked out if I didn't have a crapload of 10-12 year olds to take care of. |
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Mmmm, Megan Fox... "Dort, wo man Bücher verbrennt, verbrennt man auch am Ende Menschen."
- Heinrich Heine |
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If you can be bothered to click through this list, it is easily on of the worst 'best' lists published on the internet. If there was ever an indictment against the yahoo userbase it is that list. All you need to know is that Spirited Away was ranked below Bolt. <Hugin_len> Basically, cheesy doesn't have awful taste in music, he's simply very white.
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Spirited Away belongs below Bolt. "Can we get to the part where everybody is Kung Fu fighting?" - wingwalker
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Like everything on the internet, it's pretty much sorted by how recently the movie came out. "I hope you one day decide to smarten the fuck up so I can stand to look at your posts." - gaggle
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#1351 by Jibble #1347 by Gunp01nt And for thanks he got tasered and shot and now he's a paraplegic? Hint: burglars don't ring the doorbell. The guy that held up my brother-in-law and stole his truck rang the bell. ...forget I said anything. "IT consultant of perfect lovemaking art."
- randomly generated subject header of a spam e-mail |
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Depp is awesome, but Bale's part could have been played by anyone. Mann tries to pack too much information into two hours, I'd rather have had him focus on parts of the story instead of trying to cover everything. There are a couple of good shootouts. The digital look that some people are complaining about didn't bother me. I really liked that the movie didn't explain anything. And that night car chase was intense. Not my favorite Mann flick, but I really enjoyed it. Will post more later from a computer. No.
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I recently saw Crank 2 and loved it. It's totally unbelievable but I didn't care because I was having so much fun. The violence? Excessive. The nudity? Gratuitous. The plot? Ridiculous. Loved every minute of it. |
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I liked the first Crank more. I guess they had to dial everything up to 12 for the sequel, but I didn't think it worked as well. "Can we get to the part where everybody is Kung Fu fighting?" - wingwalker
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I missed the run of the US movie version of State Of Play in theatres, but Marsh Davies exhorted me to see the original BBC six-part TV series, which I have just done. It is the most lavish, lovingly created, high quality journo porn ever created. I built up a tremendous journo stiffy throughout, and the money shot was glorious. I don't know what was more sexy, that Scottish piece's nipple pokies through her wool sweater, or Bill Nighy calling to the printers to honest-to-god stop the presses. The writing was the best thing about it, closely followed by the acting. Even the casting was good, with the title role being a weedy little bastard with a punchably weak chin, as many journos are. I don't think I'll see the Russell Crowe version, that would be like stuffing lobster with tacos. |
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Oddly, after watching them in reverse, I liked Crank 2 more, even though it was insane. It just seemed like the first movie was going in slow-motion. |
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Greg (#1363): Oddly, after watching them in reverse, I liked Crank 2 more, even though it was insane. It just seemed like the first movie was going in slow-motion. Well, it would seem that way after the sequel. m0nty (#1362): that Scottish piece's nipple pokies through her wool sweater "That Scottish piece" is Kelly fucking Macdonald. Have you not seen Trainspotting? "Can we get to the part where everybody is Kung Fu fighting?" - wingwalker
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I haven't. Not out of spite or anything, it's just never happened to pop up. Oh don't look at me like that, Yot didn't see Aliens for 28 years, this is nothing. Nothink! "New favorite thing to do: absorb one of the old ladies, wear her skin as a disguise."
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TreeFrog (#1364): "That Scottish piece" is Kelly fucking Macdonald. Have you not seen Trainspotting? Yes, but that was a looooooong time ago. Is she not a Scottish piece, did I not describe her correctly? |
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"that smoking hot Scottish piece" would have been more accurate. "Can we get to the part where everybody is Kung Fu fighting?" - wingwalker
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Done and done. |
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#1362 by m0nty I missed the run of the US movie version of State Of Play in theatres, but Marsh Davies exhorted me to see the original BBC six-part TV series, which I have just done. What, you personally? I don't remember anyone mentioning it at all. Downloading now. "I hope you one day decide to smarten the fuck up so I can stand to look at your posts." - gaggle
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Yay, m0nty! Bill Nighy's "Fuck you, gag order!" cover story is a the kind of journo wishfulfillment that gives me a raging bonk on. All I needed him to say was "Stop the presses!" a few more times and I'd have been off. Also, Kelly MacDonald is just awesome in everything she's ever done. One of the best things about No Country For Old Men, I think. The film version of State of Play is a compressed, largely witless retread, with a more absurd denouement and unconvincing performance by Ben Affleck and join-the-dots role for Rachel McAdams. Neither of those two manage to give the kind of scintillating, nuanced performances that their small screen counterparts do, nor do they have nipples that stand up like alarmed meerkats. There's more stuff in the film about the death of print, but it's not particularly profound. It does have Helen Mirren, though. In other news, Public Enemies is good. I think Bale didn't have enough to work with the be a compelling foil, however, and what he did have he played with such impenetrable stoicism, he might as well have been replaced by an Easter Island statue. It needed more insight into Purvis to balance out Dillinger - the story is as much about the time and circumstances of law enforcement as it is about an iconic outlaw. Still great though. Does anybody find that digital film stock makes them motion sick? I don't find it tracks movement at all well. Anyone know why this is? Does it shoot at fewer frames than film? - words and stuff -
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#1369 by Shadarr What, you personally? I don't remember anyone mentioning it at all. Downloading now. Exhorted via the power of Twitter. - words and stuff -
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Verily, Twitter is a hotbed of exhortation. |
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Watched Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) the other night. I'd give it around 7/10; not something I'd actively wanted to watch again, but interesting enough to keep me curious how it will end. Would have been funnier if I was 17, though. Parhelic Triangle is coming.
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Stop, I say, stop the presses! Asteroids Coming To Theatres As A Movie 5 July 2009 6:31 PM, PDT Classic 1980s computer game Asteroids is crashing onto the big screen - the arcade hit is set for a Hollywood movie makeover. Universal Pictures bosses have snapped up the rights to make a film out of Asteroids, and are said to have given G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra director Lorenzo Di Bonaventura the job of breathing life into the project. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Bedtime Stories screenwriter Matthew Lopez will provide a storyline for the Atari game. 52 Weeks and Something's On Movie Blog
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#1368 by m0nty Done and done. Only in your dreams, beardo. In other news, I now know that weird foreign people don't call it "connect-the-dots" like us normals do. |
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#1374 by yotsuya Stop, I say, stop the presses! I think what's more telling about this is that it doesn't seem all that outrageous any more. |
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I'm holding out hope for Michael Bay's 'Missile Command' movie myself. 52 Weeks and Something's On Movie Blog
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I remember reading something like that last week, and they referenced more than Asteroids. Pac-Man and one other that I forget were also listed. |
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Nicolas Cage was born to play a featureless triangle. |
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I wish someone would pay me to flesh out the backstory for Asteroids. Let me take a whack at it. He's a retired pilot, discharged from the military after pressure from long-haired hippies about his mistreatment of an evil terrorist. Then, one day, they started falling from the sky. It was just a few at first, and most of them landed in France so no one cared. But then one of them landed outside of Bubba's Bait Shop and Bar, where our protagonist was nursing an early-morning hangover with a bottle of whiskey. He stumbles from his stool and shambles out the door to find that an American flag is burning outside. Now it's personal. *training montage, introduction of disposable buddy characters, talk about the "special maneuver" he invented back in his air force days* Then a bunch of stuff blowing up, then his wingman says, "There's no way we can hit that thing! I only heard of one guy able to pull off a stunt like that!" "That guy...was ME!" *world saved, millions at the box office* |
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SPOILER TAGS, FFS! Parhelic Triangle is coming.
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You forgot: - Kim Kardashian bending over polishing a Harley - comic relief from Mexican/gay/amputee/dwarf/AOTB - technobabble scene with Brent Spiner wearing a dumb wig - shot-for-shot recreation of a battle sequence from a movie that was actually good - the still-lukewarm corpse of Michael Ironside, showing more acting ability posthumously than he ever did in life. |
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You are correct. I forgot all of those things. |
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Michael Ironside is not dead. "Testiculos habet et bene pendentes" - "He has testicles, and they dangle nicely."
"LP, your big balls are a religion." - Jibble |
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"We're out of ammo!" "But there's 1 asteroid left, sir!" The ship has to eventually blow up, killing the hero, breaking apart the last asteroid. As that's how every game of Asteroids ends. Also, starring Bruce Willis as "The Retired Pilot" and Samual L. Jackson As "The Under Secretary of Space Junk, NASA" Zep-- w0rd up!
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Extremely late to the party movie review: Up is fantastic. I cried for 20 minutes. |
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LPMiller (#1384): Michael Ironside is not dead. Well shit. They'll just have to wait for him to die then. |
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You should work up a full treatment, jibs. Also, haha, Lost in Translation.. Took me a few minutes to remember what movie was the 20 minutes of crying. |
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LS&2SB has some quality swearing. I saw it in my (very) late teens and lmao. Films don't get much more overrated than Lost in trans. "Can we get to the part where everybody is Kung Fu fighting?" - wingwalker
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A thing does not become overrated just because you're too stupid to understand it. BUYBUYBUY
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The ship has to eventually blow up, killing the hero, breaking apart the last asteroid. As that's how every game of Asteroids ends. This is the best post Wudi has ever made, mainly because he's 100% correct. 52 Weeks and Something's On Movie Blog
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Bah, you people don't know how to do a feel good ending to save your life. The hero does not die breaking up the last asteroid. The alcoholic mentor of the hero, his copilot, the one who worked for the evil company that hid the Asterpid threat from the public to further it's own profits, clonks the hero on the head, stuffs him into an escape pod. He and the hero stare at each other through the tiny escape pod door porthole. The alcoholic mentor will be unshaven and his eyes will be bloodshot, but he will not look like complete crap, because he is finally at peace, he is no longer wrestling with his internat demons. He knows what he must do. He makes his final goodbyes to the hero in the form of a joke which is a callback to a joke he made earlier in the film, and then he will then punch the launch button on the escape pod and the frustrated hero presses his face and or fists into the glass helplessly. Then the mentor dies redeemed, and the hero will tell his girlfriend or child that the mentor was a good man, while they look up at the stars, fini. "Bioshock, sadly, is no Painkiller." - BobJustBob
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Asteroid, internal. "Bioshock, sadly, is no Painkiller." - BobJustBob
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That's not nearly as good an ending as if the mentor hangs a hard left, fires the escape pod into the asteroid, and flies home for the hero's welcome. "I hope you one day decide to smarten the fuck up so I can stand to look at your posts." - gaggle
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BobJustBob (#1390): A thing does not become overrated just because you're too stupid to understand it. That's correct. It becomes overrated because many people treat it as a much better movie than it is. Gold star for Bob. "Can we get to the part where everybody is Kung Fu fighting?" - wingwalker
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Goddamn, Hugin, you've got schmaltz down. "Can we get to the part where everybody is Kung Fu fighting?" - wingwalker
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That's correct. It becomes overrated because many people treat it as a much better movie than it is. Gold star for Bob. But you are not the arbiter of film quality. Obviously. Frowny face for you. BUYBUYBUY
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'Wrestling with internet demons'. Heh. "IT consultant of perfect lovemaking art."
- randomly generated subject header of a spam e-mail |
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Wow..*yot's post made me cry for 20 minutes. Thanks, Esse. Zep-- *Not Really, I may have been touched tho for about 5 seconds and I had to blink twice. w0rd up!
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Hugin, posting from iphone? |
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