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Why DNF Will Never Be Released
May 19th 2005, 02:23 CEST by m0nty

This LiveJournal entry by a disgruntled developer tips a bucket over the internal workings of 3D Realms, who are currently cranking up the marketing for Prey and Alan Wake. Some of it is old news, but there are some juicy snippets on why Duke Nukem Forever may never be released.
(thanks to Eric for the link)

There is the usual stuff about how 3DR hasn't released a game for Windows, the sexism, the racism, the idea theft, the obsession with marketing and branding, et cetera. Perhaps the most damaging allegation is that 3DR "traps" employees by paying them advance royalties on 3DR products:

3DR treat their employees like shit. Unless they have drastically changed their practices in the past few years, their wages are one of the lowest for a D/FW area game company. They make up for this by "paying" employees in advance royalties on DNF - The Game That Is Never Going To Come Out. Under this hilarious system, employees go into debt with their own employers because no real money is actually coming in from those advance royalties on The Game That Is Never Going To Come Out. If and when they leave the company, the employee has to pay this off. 3DR effectively traps their employees by doing this, which I'm sure is awesome for morale. Perhaps you can start to see why DNF is The Game That Is Never Going To Come Out, and why 3DR's only sustainable business has become generating cash with the hard work of others to feed their own astonishingly inefficient internal crap factory.

George Broussard's response was that he didn't know who the author was, but the LJ entry was wrong on employees paying back owed monies. He also denied having Stripper Days, saying that strippers were only hired for certain employees' birthdays, and labelled most of the entry as assumption and baseless accusations.

So, who's right? The ranting developer, or George & Scott? Will DNF ever come out, or is it only a maguffin designed to tempt unwary employees into giving up monetary wages? Will Prey suck? Why does Alan Wake look so much like Scott Miller?
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#1 by Trunks
2005-05-19 02:24:11
I guess I was the magic vote?

#2 by Leslie Nassar
2005-05-19 02:25:21
http://departmentofinternets.com
who's right?  nobody!  eod!

You've already tried the iPod, that smoothly transitions into trying the Mac Mini, and before you know it you're married to a man.  Apple's master plan to make everything stylish wins. -- ChunkStyle
#3 by bago
2005-05-19 02:26:26
manga_Rando@hotmail.com
qed!

A morality play without morals. A cautionary tale lacking in caution yet abundant in tail.
#4 by Trunks
2005-05-19 02:26:45
So I guess we convert this to yet another Derek Smart thread then?

#5 by Leslie Nassar
2005-05-19 02:28:05
http://departmentofinternets.com
EOD!

You've already tried the iPod, that smoothly transitions into trying the Mac Mini, and before you know it you're married to a man.  Apple's master plan to make everything stylish wins. -- ChunkStyle
#6 by Wudi
2005-05-19 02:30:09
When they went to Demo DNF at E3 this morning, THE POWER WENT OUT!

True story!

Zep--

Inverted Mouse 4 Life, YO!
#7 by Wudi
2005-05-19 02:43:38
this thread is a dupe!

man..2001?

Sheesh

Zep--

Inverted Mouse 4 Life, YO!
#8 by yotsuya
2005-05-19 02:47:13
Again, I'm really curious about the status of DNF, just because it's been in production for so long.

*tik*
#9 by Wudi
2005-05-19 02:49:39
Titor knows...

Zep--

Inverted Mouse 4 Life, YO!
#10 by Penguinx
2005-05-19 02:53:31
Yot, me too.

Penguinx is a licensed and ordained Elder for the Church of the Living God's Global Pacific Diocese.

Should you need to find Jesus, I likely have a map.
#11 by Wudi
2005-05-19 03:02:50
I bet you both really believe in Moon Ponies too!

Zep--

Inverted Mouse 4 Life, YO!
#12 by TheTrunkDr.
2005-05-19 03:11:07
Again, I'm really curious about the status of DNF, just because it's been in production for so long.

Signs of disaster, I'm also inclined to believe there's at least a little more truth in the developer's version of the facts as oppose to SM and GB. SM and GB have to protect the credibility of 3DR along with their own which of course means their policy is deny deny deny when it comes to these kinds of allegations. Also employees get disgruntled for a reason, few people lash out against a company just for the hell of it.

I SAID PURPLE, BITCH!
#13 by bago
2005-05-19 03:14:33
manga_Rando@hotmail.com
"I am a housewife. This is my rolling pin."  "I hope you are not trying to steal my man. Tramp."

A morality play without morals. A cautionary tale lacking in caution yet abundant in tail.
#14 by yotsuya
2005-05-19 03:47:05
Wow. Bago's always on the best stuff, it would seem.

*tik*
#15 by CheesyPoof
2005-05-19 03:48:19
Post #5 in that old thread from ++zep is interesting. I'd like to see a new poll about peoples favorite game character. I vote JC Denton, and then CJ.

The trick to making a great game it seems is to name the protagonist with the initials J and C.
#16 by yotsuya
2005-05-19 03:56:56
Look at post #26. Interesting results.

*tik*
#17 by schnee
2005-05-19 04:06:06
david@snowdesign.com
If SM and GB have siphoned off enough money, then it doesn't matter if DNF ships or not, because at that point they can change careers to professional investors. Also, if you have enough money, you get fawning, positive press no matter how much of a fucktard you had to be to get it, c.f. Jack Welch.

RE: #15... Paul was fifty fucking times cooler than his stupid tool of a younger brother.

RE: #16... creepy how accurate that list was.

"A critic is someone who knows the way but can't drive the car." - Kenneth Tynan
#18 by Leslie Nassar
2005-05-19 04:10:47
http://departmentofinternets.com
EOD!

You've already tried the iPod, that smoothly transitions into trying the Mac Mini, and before you know it you're married to a man.  Apple's master plan to make everything stylish wins. -- ChunkStyle
#19 by Dumdeedum
2005-05-19 04:28:03
http://www.dumdeedum.com
Cheesy
I vote JC Denton, and then CJ.

Jade from BG&E all the way, she wants me I'm telling ya.  Close seconds being Garrett, the Vault Dweller* and I quite dig Sam Fisher's dry humour too.

JC?  Paul?  Great game but I always thought the Dentons were the least interesting things in it.

* Harold gets a nod here as well, even if he is a damn mutie.

#20 by CheesyPoof
2005-05-19 04:35:48
Look at post #26. Interesting results.

Heh, yea everything is out except Team Fortress 2 and DNF. Valve gets a pass on TF2 because HL2 shipped.

JC?  Paul?  Great game but I always thought the Dentons were the least interesting things in it.

In my world JC spoke softly and carried a big stick, the dragons tooth. Don't ruin my JC vibe. You'll see in x days when you can see CJ in action. He better make the top of yo list.
#21 by McBain
2005-05-19 04:57:03
I like #33!

Hugin: "Because I like McBain"

For we know that happiness that can only come from letting go of the impossible, embracing the possible, and telling people we’ve never met to go fuck themselves on the internets.
#22 by yotsuya
2005-05-19 05:05:38
You just keep telling yourself that, homie.

*tik*
#23 by Foodbunny
2005-05-19 05:14:19
foodbunny@attbi.com http://www.foodbunny.com
My favorite characters:

Raz, but when I vote for Raz I am voting for every single character from Psychonauts.
Dr. Rho Bowman from Anachronox remains the best female character in a game ever.
#24 by LPMiller
2005-05-19 05:19:13
lpmiller@gotapex.com http://www.gotapex.com
Yeah, I liked her.

When LP says he's bringing Armageddon, he brings fucking Armageddon. - Caryn, 6/01/2004
#25 by m0nty
2005-05-19 05:21:41
http://tinfinger.blogspot.com
Alright, I can't seem to find the original post. Damn my faulty google-fu.
#26 by yotsuya
2005-05-19 05:22:07
All the characters in Anachronox were great, but I especially liked Fatima's story.

*tik*
#27 by Leslie Nassar
2005-05-19 05:23:39
http://departmentofinternets.com
Game of the Year

You've already tried the iPod, that smoothly transitions into trying the Mac Mini, and before you know it you're married to a man.  Apple's master plan to make everything stylish wins. -- ChunkStyle
#28 by m0nty
2005-05-19 05:28:52
http://tinfinger.blogspot.com
Leslie Nassar (#27):

/me wipes tears of laughter from eyes
#29 by Leslie Nassar
2005-05-19 05:30:25
http://departmentofinternets.com
Bulldoze the graves of the fallen to install VIP parking for yourself!

You've already tried the iPod, that smoothly transitions into trying the Mac Mini, and before you know it you're married to a man.  Apple's master plan to make everything stylish wins. -- ChunkStyle
#30 by Your Friend
2005-05-19 05:32:41

If SM and GB have siphoned off enough money, then it doesn't matter if DNF ships or not, because at that point they can change careers to professional investors.


That's what Scott Miller tried with his burrito business, but that is in smoking ruins.

I didn't ask for a shrink, that must've been somebody else.  Also, that pudding isn't mine.  Also, I'm wearing this suit today because I had a very important meeting this morning.  And I don't have a crying problem.
#31 by m0nty
2005-05-19 05:33:26
http://tinfinger.blogspot.com
Ah yes, but the smoke smells tasty.
#32 by Matt Perkins
2005-05-19 05:33:54
wizardque@yahoo.com http://whatwouldmattdo.com/
The squirrel guy from bg2... I liked a lot of the characters from bg2.

The dude from Full Throttle...he roxored my boxers!

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." - Albert Einstein.
#33 by m0nty
2005-05-19 05:35:27
http://tinfinger.blogspot.com
It would be a better story if 3DR hired Mexican developers, and then to pay off their debt Miller got them working for nix in the burrito place.
#34 by m0nty
2005-05-19 05:40:14
http://tinfinger.blogspot.com
More reaction from George B and the mouthbreathers on the 3DR forums.
#35 by Your Friend
2005-05-19 05:43:44
It's a wonder George B can type with such fat sausage fingers.

I didn't ask for a shrink, that must've been somebody else.  Also, that pudding isn't mine.  Also, I'm wearing this suit today because I had a very important meeting this morning.  And I don't have a crying problem.
#36 by Foodbunny
2005-05-19 05:45:37
foodbunny@attbi.com http://www.foodbunny.com
He has a crack team of strippers who type for him on their patent pending titty keyboard.
#37 by yotsuya
2005-05-19 05:47:24
I'd buy one.

*tik*
#38 by m0nty
2005-05-19 05:48:20
http://tinfinger.blogspot.com
Must be some big-ass keys.
#39 by m0nty
2005-05-19 05:48:43
http://tinfinger.blogspot.com
Either that or some small-titted strippers.
#40 by Foodbunny
2005-05-19 05:49:54
foodbunny@attbi.com http://www.foodbunny.com
It uses motion detection.  The movement of each breast is calculated and turned into the desired character.
#41 by bago
2005-05-19 05:58:13
manga_Rando@hotmail.com
So everything winds up looking like a stripper?

A morality play without morals. A cautionary tale lacking in caution yet abundant in tail.
#42 by m0nty
2005-05-19 06:04:19
http://tinfinger.blogspot.com
There would be a lot of Qs.
#43 by Foodbunny
2005-05-19 06:07:35
foodbunny@attbi.com http://www.foodbunny.com
It's a binary-style system, though I imagine it could recognise boucing, swishing, and circular movements.
#44 by Hugin
2005-05-19 06:09:22
lmccain@nber.org
What I find interesting about that old thread is that Bailey is in is, writing like a person, instead of a collection of catchphrases and personality tics, and people are responding to him in kind.  In other words, there's a real conversation happening.
#45 by Penguinx
2005-05-19 06:12:40
RACIST!

Penguinx is a licensed and ordained Elder for the Church of the Living God's Global Pacific Diocese.

Should you need to find Jesus, I likely have a map.
#46 by yotsuya
2005-05-19 06:26:23
Somewhere along the line, the people here turned Bailey into a shadow of his former self. I blame the "Balieytron/$500" cocksucking he was repeatedly subjected to.

*tik*
#47 by lwf
2005-05-19 06:54:05
POOR BAILEY THREAD.

Stand up for your right to be a vegetable.
#48 by Penguinx
2005-05-19 06:57:09
You're all obsessed.

Penguinx is a licensed and ordained Elder for the Church of the Living God's Global Pacific Diocese.

Should you need to find Jesus, I likely have a map.
#49 by Shadarr
2005-05-19 07:05:18
shadarr@yahoo.com http://digital-luddite.com
I blame no one but Bailey.

Sterilized for your protection.
#50 by Creole Ned
2005-05-19 07:34:36
I blame Shadarr.

"I don't bemoan the great paste" - LPMiller
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