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Xboxen Zwei uber alles
March 13th 2005, 21:17 CET by m0nty

Microsoft's J Allard used his keynote at the Game Developers Conference to pimp Xbox2, as reported by 1UP among others. Allard did an audio interview the night before about it. Apparently Xbox2's official name is Xbox Xenon, which no doubt will cause lots of sniggering gags about gamers' "inert gases" - and also puts a lie to Kotaku saying it would be called the Xbox 360°. Ignoring all the bullhockey about the HD Era in the keynote, J (friends call him "") mentioned a few interesting things in relation to the Guide:

- the "Gamer Card", which is apparently a software thing, not a plastic card. While users might want it to be a publically viewable scorecard of how many biy0tch3z you have pwn3d, it sounds more like glorified spyware to me. The idea is apparently that you search for people with particular interests and locations, e.g. "furries who like ice hockey and live in New Mexico", then join a game so you can proceed to shoot out their intestines with dual-wielded OICWs in full HDTV clarity. My bet is that it's not going to contain the most important information anyone wants to know about an online gamer before joining a game with them, viz "level of wilful, unmitigated fucktardery".

- the "Marketplace", which is another doomed attempt to revive the dead horse of episodic content. Nuh-uh, ain't gonna happen. Newsflash: getting people to pay for episodic content is impossible, because people are so used to not paying for it by downloading free mods on the internets. No doubt the whores over at Penny Arcade will treat this like the Second Coming, but this has been tried before and failed, and will fail again. Phantom, anyone? Which leads to another pre-murdered corpse...

- "Micro-transactions". Didn't I just get through saying that no one wants to pay for episodic content? The only serious use for this would be in buying things in MMOGs, and I don't see a whole heapin' helping of MMOG activity on consoles, PSO and that FF game notwithstanding.

If you put these three features together, what do you see? A system which records your location, your interests, your spending habits, your consumer preferences... and then sends that information to Microsoft servers. Gee, that sounds doubleplus swell. Add to that the fact that Xbox will include parental controls that "go even further" according to this interview with Cameron Ferroni.

The other feature mentioned was custom playlists, stolen straight out of GTA3 and thus a no-brainer. I'll let you lot spooge over the tech specs, as in this GameSpy article - they bore me to tears, frankly, because they'll be obsolete six months after launch, whatever they are.

And now for m0nty's traditional topic-ending series of questions. Why? What? When? Who? Where? How? And is that a cucumber?
C O M M E N T S
Home » Topic: Xboxen Zwei uber alles

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#1 by Marsh Davies
2005-03-13 21:19:28
www.verbalchilli.com
Tits.

#2 by anaqer
2005-03-13 21:21:02
Beer?

I DO NOT CHEAT.
I just play by extended rules.
#3 by Hugin
2005-03-13 21:21:17
lmccain@nber.org
Whose?
#4 by Anonymous
2005-03-13 21:24:33
Beer or tits?

#5 by Hugin
2005-03-13 21:24:46
lmccain@nber.org
Topic:  Nothing I've seen or heard about the XBox2 so far excites me.

As a side question: Am I the only person who pretty much never plays my own music in video games?  I'm capable of playing music in the background while playing video games, but I just never got into inserting my own music into the..music folder or internal player or whatever of the games that allowed it.
#6 by Hugin
2005-03-13 21:25:47
lmccain@nber.org
#4 by Anonymous

 
 Beer or tits?


 The latter.  Beer is yucky, speak of it not to me.
#7 by yotsuya
2005-03-13 21:27:38
With you, Hugin. The game music is fine with me. The only game I've added my own music to is Vice City, but that was for fun.

*tik*
#8 by LPMiller
2005-03-13 21:50:44
lpmiller@gotapex.com http://www.gotapex.com
I'll have itunes going when I play WoW or CoH or something, but that's only because the music in those games drive me nuts after awhile.

When LP says he's bringing Armageddon, he brings fucking Armageddon. - Caryn, 6/01/2004
#9 by anaqer
2005-03-13 21:57:42
Nothing I've seen or heard about the XBox2 so far excites me.

Though not exciting per se, the sole fact that the lowest common denominator of game development platforms is getting updated should be reason alone for warm happy thoughts methinks.

I DO NOT CHEAT.
I just play by extended rules.
#10 by UncleJeet
2005-03-13 21:58:44
Actually monty, microtransactions and a permanent ID that follows you everywhere are the inevitable future of the DRM governed world that the internet and all things online will become in the not-too-distant future.  You might not like it, but the concepts are hardly doomed.  It might not be radically successful on the Xboxen, but it's laying the groundwork of what's to come.

Accipere quam facere praestat injuriam...
#11 by mgns
2005-03-13 22:09:41
Ok, now I have to ask. What's with this "Xboxen"?

Three rabbits are sitting on a log, and one goes home and hangs himself. Buy a bike!
#12 by anaqer
2005-03-13 22:22:31
This. I think.

I DO NOT CHEAT.
I just play by extended rules.
#13 by Artur
2005-03-13 22:24:52
It's a nerdy geeky thing.

BTW, I wonder if that idiot ever looked in a real dictionary before he started writing one. ESR, that is.

#14 by mgns
2005-03-13 22:25:03
nnngggrhgh.

Three rabbits are sitting on a log, and one goes home and hangs himself. Buy a bike!
#15 by Artur
2005-03-13 22:29:43
Damn you, anakin!

#16 by gaggle
2005-03-13 22:42:16
Vixen? I don't understand the explanation given by catb.org. It's a German thing though right? Ie. "der Xboxen!". Any object can be prefixed "der/die/das"* and postfixed "en" to underline said object's geeky supremacy.

At least that's how it works in my world.


*if in doubt just choose randomly

"You can get her in any color so long as it's double D and naked." - Hugin
#17 by Artur
2005-03-13 23:11:28
gaggle, see #13.

#18 by VeeSPIKE
2005-03-13 23:17:11
#5 Hugin
Topic:  Nothing I've seen or heard about the XBox2 so far excites me.

As a side question: Am I the only person who pretty much never plays my own music in video games?  I'm capable of playing music in the background while playing video games, but I just never got into inserting my own music into the..music folder or internal player or whatever of the games that allowed it.


You can play music while playing games?? - Huh.

I very rarely listen to music while playing - too distracting. Years of aural abuse has made it sometimes hard for me to differentiate background from foreground, so playing music is generally out of the question if I want to hear what is going on in the game. And for the most part, I think most in-game music sucks anyway, so I will turn that off almost immediately.

The media doesn't educate, it sensationalizes. That's why there's no learning curve, just repeated bouts of gross stupidity. Bailey
#19 by gaggle
2005-03-13 23:46:52
#13 is unparseable. On the other hand, Burlier Brawl is pretty cool.


So, back 1500 posts in the "We need a new Topic"-thread people asked if there was an MMO that didn't fracture it's playerbase. I've been wanting to say that EVE:Online does just that, keeping track of 10.000 players in the same universe. But since everybody posts so friggin' much my marvelous insight will be lost.. unless, hmm, I randomly insert the information into another thread..

"You can get her in any color so long as it's double D and naked." - Hugin
#20 by Eyegore
2005-03-13 23:48:18
http://home.cfl.rr.com/eyegore/gallery.htm
I really can't stand seeing that cingular logo on screen at all times when playing need for speed underground 2, and the music selection is horrid.  Why can't I play my own MP3s in that game?  Why are some game companies such friggin whores?
#21 by anaqer
2005-03-13 23:52:56
*cue EA bashing*

I DO NOT CHEAT.
I just play by extended rules.
#22 by Artur
2005-03-14 01:13:28
#19 gaggle
#13 is unparseable.

Get a real parser. <smiley face>
'That idiot' is Eric S. Raymond, the author of The Jargon File. I called him an idiot exactly because of the 'vixen' explanation. 'Oxen' is the Old English plural form of 'ox' which survived to present times, but it goes back to a common Germanic source with German. m0nty might've had only German in mind when penning that title, mind you.

On the other hand, Burlier Brawl is pretty cool.

Isn't it? The movie is The Invincible Super Chan. I was going to put up a longer clip which would've been even more impressive (and with Danish (or Swedish, not sure) subtitles), but I don't want to put too much stress on my crappy webspace.

#23 by m0nty
2005-03-14 01:20:20
http://tinfinger.blogspot.com
gaggle wins.
#24 by Sgt Hulka
2005-03-14 02:08:18
AOL owns your chat:

The revamped terms of service, which apply only to users who downloaded the free AIM software on or after Feb. 5, 2004, gives AOL the right to "reproduce, display, perform, distribute, adapt and promote" all content distributed across the chat network by users.

http://www.eweek.com/article2/0,1759,1775649,00.asp

#25 by Sgt Hulka
2005-03-14 02:09:23
"In addition, by posting content on an AIM Product, you grant AOL, its parent, affiliates, subsidiaries, assigns, agents and licensees the irrevocable, perpetual, worldwide right to reproduce, display, perform, distribute, adapt and promote this content in any medium," it added.

That's whack.  FU AOL

#26 by Dumdeedum
2005-03-14 02:32:25
http://www.dumdeedum.com
Man, imagine owning all the AOL chat, that's a goldmine I tells ya!

I want my, I want my, I want my MP3!
#27 by Sgt Hulka
2005-03-14 02:45:19
LOL

#28 by G-Man
2005-03-14 03:19:15
#24 Sgt Hulka
AOL owns your chat

That, sadly, is hardly newsworthy anymore. Microsoft pulled that stunt with Hotmail many years ago, and since then pretty much every online service provider has similar provisions in their EULA/TOS/whatever they call it while snorting coke off of high priced hookers' asses. See also, every MMOG (and an increasing number of offline games) ever (except Second Life blah blah blah).

None of all that stuff really means that they own the copyright to any of the user generated content though, but it does mean that neither can the user claim rights in their works. Overall, considering your seeming objections to the regime of intellectual property in our country, that ought to be a victory for you. Yay public domain! Up with creative commons, etc etc.
#29 by Squeaky
2005-03-14 03:59:09
The other feature mentioned was custom playlists, stolen straight out of GTA3 and thus a no-brainer. I'll let you lot spooge over the tech specs, as in this GameSpy article - they bore me to tears, frankly, because they'll be obsolete six months after launch, whatever they are.

How is this any different from current-gen games? The xbox already supports this... hardly a new feature, even BEFORE GTA3 (although that was one of the only xbox games to support it). Personally, I'd like more games to support it, but it was such a pain in the ass copying cds to the xbox, that I didn't even bother.


<actually reads link>ah, I see they're saying custom playlists in EVERY game.

Cain spider gives to me pain
got a caterpiller body and a butterfly brain
#30 by G-Man
2005-03-14 04:06:54
In any case here are his followups to his rant. I'm actually surprised m0nty, that eCEO of iJournalism.com that he is, hasn't turned this bit into a topic here.
#31 by G-Man
2005-03-14 04:07:13
Damn crosspost.
#32 by m0nty
2005-03-14 04:16:03
http://tinfinger.blogspot.com
Hey, I just posted my first real topic in ages, gimme a break.
#33 by Leslie Nassar
2005-03-14 04:37:20
http://departmentofinternets.com
Garage Developer gets shut down by The Man.

You've already tried the iPod, that smoothly transitions into trying the Mac Mini, and before you know it you're married to a man.  Apple's master plan to make everything stylish wins. -- ChunkStyle
#34 by mister_slim
2005-03-14 05:16:14
Hey, a meth lab game could be a good way to teach chemistry for fun and profit.

If you want to have sex with a giant statue of a neon-green hippo I say more power to you.
                                        -penguinx
#35 by bago
2005-03-14 05:19:04
manga_Rando@hotmail.com
Meth is too easy of a recipie. Why do you think farm people make it?

Cruel, unusual, and sublime punishment
#36 by bago
2005-03-14 05:20:49
manga_Rando@hotmail.com
Now this is some worthwhile chemistry.

Cruel, unusual, and sublime punishment
#37 by G-Man
2005-03-14 06:10:47
Weird article on law firm marketing using bittorrent.
#38 by Penguinx
2005-03-14 06:11:36
Meth is too easy of a recipie. Why do you think farm people make it?


Hey! I resmeble that remarl!

Seriously, though, I'vr drunk an enture bottle of kno creek ctonight. Holey shit am I drunk beyong belief.

II
I was of three minds,
Like UAC
In which there are three ideamen.
#39 by Penguinx
2005-03-14 06:11:55
Disregard that lAST Post please.

II
I was of three minds,
Like UAC
In which there are three ideamen.
#40 by Penguinx
2005-03-14 06:13:04
Fuck, I'b going to gergret this in the morning.

II
I was of three minds,
Like UAC
In which there are three ideamen.
#41 by G-Man
2005-03-14 06:34:14
So does your wife get drunk with you or what? And do you have a webcam?
#42 by Penguinx
2005-03-14 06:55:36
She does to an extent. She likes to have an occasinal drinl.

II
I was of three minds,
Like UAC
In which there are three ideamen.
#43 by Penguinx
2005-03-14 07:12:52
It's about 12:12 CST and there are over 120 guests.

WTF? Post, pansies.

II
I was of three minds,
Like UAC
In which there are three ideamen.
#44 by G-Man
2005-03-14 07:26:23
I'm the only one here and I'd rather talk to your wife.
#45 by Penguinx
2005-03-14 07:29:45
I'd usually attempt a witty retort. I'm spent.

No webcam. Sorry.

II
I was of three minds,
Like UAC
In which there are three ideamen.
#46 by G-Man
2005-03-14 07:34:52
Allright fine. Funcom announces deal to sell advertising on virtual billboards that only free users can see. A million hack journalists start writing Salon/Wired style pieces about the new economy and advertising in games etc etc.
#47 by Penguinx
2005-03-14 07:40:15
With official ad measurement methods from Nielsen we are sure advertisers will cherish this revolutionary new opportunity to reach the extremely valuable 18 - 34 demographic.


No matter how worthless you are, realize that ad execs everywhere clamour for the mere oppuortunity to pander to you.

II
I was of three minds,
Like UAC
In which there are three ideamen.
#48 by G-Man
2005-03-14 07:54:06
DRINK MORE! AND BUY SOME NIKES ALREADY!
#49 by Penguinx
2005-03-14 08:08:53
Must. Buy. Designer. Footwear.

II
I was of three minds,
Like UAC
In which there are three ideamen.
#50 by m0nty
2005-03-14 10:18:18
http://tinfinger.blogspot.com
Come to #planetcrap, Px. And bring a forty.
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